tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27901841.post115163036386428301..comments2021-02-15T16:38:56.769-06:00Comments on Gonia Gleanings: To bear children or not?Rachel Goniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13980377960478040832noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27901841.post-1152139592708187432006-07-05T17:46:00.000-05:002006-07-05T17:46:00.000-05:00Abi,Thanks for sharing your journey. I have defin...Abi,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your journey. I have definitely decided that this process of deciding about children is very personal and individual in many ways, but I think that it does need to be made in community.<BR/><BR/>The one thing that I have learned is that we really can never truly know what it is to walk in someone else's shoes, and the older I get the more gracious I am trying to learn to be in knowing that God speaks to each of us in different ways and with different answers.<BR/><BR/>I am happy that you are blessed with those three beautiful children of yours!!<BR/><BR/>RachelRachel Goniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13980377960478040832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27901841.post-1152132789129063212006-07-05T15:53:00.000-05:002006-07-05T15:53:00.000-05:00Rachel thanks for your posting what has been a ver...Rachel thanks for your posting what has been a very touching hard discussion for the listserve.<BR/><BR/>I know some of your struggle from your sharing it with me. I know mine also.<BR/><BR/>Here is my struggle; When I was single and almost 30, I realized I maybe was not going to have children, possibly not marry. I went through a lot of questioning, thinking, wondering what were my options. I started thinking of ways to have a child. Adoption? Artificial insemination? I really started leaning toward the idea of artificial insemination, I wanted to have my own child. I even began looking into it. Well, around Christmas or one of those holidays I was home with family. Some how somebody asked me about marriage possibilites. I was dating someone, but I don't think marriage was in the future for us, and I told them so. Then without thinking I blurted out about wanting a child. And of course the typical questioning and responding took place. When I brought up the idea of artificial insemination, my parents went bullestic. Needless to say, that put a damper on that idea. In fact they put a damper on the whole idea of my raising a child on my own. I knew I would not have their support. Also, I will confess it was in my unhealthy days of still being in a enmeshed relationship with them.<BR/> <BR/>I think if I were healthier, I would have responded differently. I may have chosen not to do it or to do it, but I would not have been so dependent on their approval. <BR/> <BR/>Also, when the invitro treatments failed, Bob and I talked about adoption and artificial insemination. He was so adament against both, that I just backed off. I think that having met the family we know that has a child throught that process, Bob would probably respond differently now. But alas, I do not have the body parts to have a child on my own. I am however, he finally became open to adoption. I am so happy with the three children we have now.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14654861033242845082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27901841.post-1152023313591320102006-07-04T09:28:00.000-05:002006-07-04T09:28:00.000-05:00thanks so much for your comments...perfectly under...thanks so much for your comments...<BR/>perfectly understood the generic "you"Rachel Goniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13980377960478040832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27901841.post-1151976375418942612006-07-03T20:26:00.000-05:002006-07-03T20:26:00.000-05:00P.S. I was using "your" in the general sense of a...P.S. I was using "your" in the general sense of anyone. Not in the specific sense of "you." I hope you understood that?Sonja Andrewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13164796660137641599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27901841.post-1151976311017944682006-07-03T20:25:00.000-05:002006-07-03T20:25:00.000-05:00I have had two friends at different times in my li...I have had two friends at different times in my life who struggled with infertility. One ultimately chose adoption and the other ultimately chose to pursue IVF and had twins. I also have very dear friends who are adults who were adopoted as infants. So this is an issue which I have openly discussed with friends and wrestled with quite a bit. I think it all comes down to motivation (which I think you have touched on). I'm not so sure that there is a "one answer fits all" for this question. But I think that if your motives are in the right place and your heart is, then either answer could be right for your family. However, as women trying to tease out that soft call from God above the strident voices of culture and society, it is very difficult. <BR/><BR/>Nicely thought out post. Thank you.Sonja Andrewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13164796660137641599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27901841.post-1151932434011893412006-07-03T08:13:00.000-05:002006-07-03T08:13:00.000-05:00As a person who was adopted as an infant, I apprec...As a person who was adopted as an infant, I appreciate your sentiments. But then, as a woman who managed to bear three biological children, I wonder sometimes if I'm not being smug when I say I have a problem with AI or IVF? I find it particularly troubling when it's a single woman. I know this isn't rational; one of the situations that bugged me most was my husband's former wife deciding to have kids by herself! <BR/>Thanks for this thought-provoking post.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235049965406944684noreply@blogger.com