Wednesday, July 30, 2008
prodigal
I come to myself
as one who is prodigal
who has wondered away
to follow my own pursuits
and here in the pig trough
filled with domestic stress
and work woes
I come to myself
Arise and seek
my Father's house
Welcome me home
Welcome me back to myself
as one who is prodigal
who has wondered away
to follow my own pursuits
and here in the pig trough
filled with domestic stress
and work woes
I come to myself
Arise and seek
my Father's house
Welcome me home
Welcome me back to myself
Candlelight
Serpentine light moves
across the room
a haze descends
as praises are raised
faces resplendent
glowing with love
praises lifted
voices raised
serpentine the light moves
through the room
while glowing faces
welcome pilgrims
two by two
no words exchanged
except in song
yet love expressed
in deed and truth
voices raised
praised lifted
love expressed
across the room
a haze descends
as praises are raised
faces resplendent
glowing with love
praises lifted
voices raised
serpentine the light moves
through the room
while glowing faces
welcome pilgrims
two by two
no words exchanged
except in song
yet love expressed
in deed and truth
voices raised
praised lifted
love expressed
Monday, February 25, 2008
Images of Emmaus
Women wind their way
around the crowded room
Arms in motion--
moving up and down
as if in flight--
Spirits made light
by grace abounding
Spirits set free
from convention
freed from domestic concerns
freed from work stress
freed from the judging eyes of men
Men who would have wives, mothers, and daughters
who are modest and discreet
Nurses and teachers--
acceptable to society.
Women wind around the room
filled with the Spirit
set free to live
lives empowered
lives redeemed from the ordinary
Set free to live
as Daughters of Grace.
around the crowded room
Arms in motion--
moving up and down
as if in flight--
Spirits made light
by grace abounding
Spirits set free
from convention
freed from domestic concerns
freed from work stress
freed from the judging eyes of men
Men who would have wives, mothers, and daughters
who are modest and discreet
Nurses and teachers--
acceptable to society.
Women wind around the room
filled with the Spirit
set free to live
lives empowered
lives redeemed from the ordinary
Set free to live
as Daughters of Grace.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Mother Teresa and Faith
So, maybe I'm a few days late on this, but I couldn't let it pass without commenting on it.I heard a piece on the radio Thursday evening. Then I saw the same story, but from a different angle on the Today show. Since have heard it several times, but nothing has been as meaningful (or accurate from a faith perspective) as the first one that I heard.
It’s about Mother Teresa what many are calling her “crisis of faith.” Some even implying that she had no faith (Bill Maher!) That’s not what I hear in her writings. Here is a link to the radio piece that I heard—it really explains it better than anything that I have heard.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=13903581
I thought about what you had said about not “feeling” God. When I read your first email, I immediately thought of what St. John of the Cross called, “The Dark Night of the Soul” which is that feeling of desolation when we aren’t “feeling” God’s presence. Many very faithful persons experience this and most people of faith have doubts. To me, learning that Mother Teresa felt this way for a very long time, shows that even those who are most faithful wrestle with this sense of “feeling” God.
There have been times in my life when God has felt very far away from me. I particularly felt this way when struggling with the grief over my parents deaths with cancer. I went through a very long time of struggle and desolation. What speaks to me most from scripture is actually the book of Job—Job’s faith in God even in the face of adversity. Believing in God, even when everything around him seems to say that God isn’t there, shows Job’s steadfast faithfulness which is actually a better translation of the word that most people have thought of as “patience."
How I desire to have the steadfast faithfulness of Job!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Annual Conference--by drive through?
ok...so maybe that isn't fair, but by sunday morning, I thought, is it over already?! Two days just seemed too short....here are thoughts that I shared in my evaluation....love to know what others thought....
I want to express my sincere appreciation for doing something NEW with Annual Conference. The move to a “weekend” was a great idea and the change of venue was pleasant as well. The balloting process went so smoothly it was amazing!
Attendees found the facility accessible and convenient in many ways. I know that many women appreciated the great number of restrooms available!
The one “complaint” that I have is about the shortness of the conference and the “rushed” feeling. There were a number of times that I found myself not yet back into the sanctuary when the session had begun—in particular this was around short 10 minute breaks which were simply not long enough for folks to have used the restroom and gotten a drink from a water fountain (it’s those lines in the ladies’ room!)
I do appreciate the move to a weekend for the purpose of making it easier on the laity to be available to attend—especially younger lay members. My suggestion would be to continue conference through a Sunday! I’m certain there would be complaints about Sunday worship disruption, but I believe that could be an opportunity for creative, outside the box thinking! Why not make that Sunday a worship experience workshop! Have several worship experience options at Camp Sumatanga and at some of the churches in the Birmingham Area. Invite not just members of the Annual Conference to attend, but also United Methodists from across the Conference. Many pastors and church members don’t get to experience worship beyond the traditional setting where they are. Many may be afraid to try new things because they haven’t seen it done before. Why not provide opportunities for folks to worship in a variety of settings?
My reason for suggesting this is that the shortness of conference can have detrimental effects on several aspects of the life of the Annual Conference, not the least of which is clergy enlistment.
One of the things that I value about the United Methodist Church is the connection—the idea that church members are united in serving God across the world. I have been a part of United Methodist congregations in New Jersey, Georgia, Ohio, North Carolina, and here in Alabama. I have personally experienced “the connection.” For many UMC pastors, the point of contact is the Annual Conference meeting. And I would venture to say that for many lay members, their understanding of the “church universal” begins with the Annual Conference.
I think that we do not do enough to promote the “informal” connection between persons across the conference—both lay and clergy. When we limit Conference to a short “business” meeting with very little worship, then we limit the power of the Holy Spirit to be at work in those times of informal “conferencing.” (oops, I guess I have a second complaint—not enough worship at Annual Conference, but I won’t go into that here)
I said that this is also about clergy enlistment and I want to share a little of my history so that you can understand where I am coming from on that point.
When I was in high school, I had the privilege of attending two sessions of the Annual Conference in West Ohio. This is held at Lakeside—a community situated on Lake Erie much like Lake Junaluska. My experience of participating in all aspects of Annual Conference at that age probably confirmed my burgeoning call to ministry. My sense of belonging to Someone and something greater than myself.
Annual Conference was something that included all aspects of being at Lakeside…it was the shared meals as well as the business sessions, it was watching my Associate Pastor be ordained an Elder. It was spending time in legislative sections that debated issues and resolutions and it was spending time with the women in the house where I was staying.--learning from them about their churches. It was the youth delegates sharing doughnuts with the Bishop.
All that is to say, my connection to the Connection had as much to do with being with other delegates in informal settings as it did with the conference business sessions. I believed even as a youth delegate that I was connected to UMC in a life-giving, life-changing way.
I think that in the North Alabama Annual Conference, as the Bishop himself indicated during Conference, that sense of belonging and connectedness for young people in the North Alabama Conference has come through Camp. In introducing me to people in this conference where he grew up, my husband continually is saying, “he was my camp counselor” or “I know her from camp.” In my position, I speak in churches across the conference and in over six years now, with exception of one church, I have been asked in every church about members of my extended family either because of Camp or because they were missionaries and/or speakers at Camp.
That sense of belonging to Someone greater than ourselves often comes when we find ourselves connected to other persons—Camp is one of those places and Annual Conference can be one of those places. Annual Conference Sessions that allow time for fellowship, sharing and learning beyond the business sessions can be meaningful times when we make connections via the Holy Spirit with other United Methodist Christians and the Spirit speaks to us in sighs too deep for words.
When we limited our Annual Conference to “business only” and don’t allow time for special meals and gatherings or workshops, bible studies and worship, we are limiting the times when we can nurture our sense of connection –not just among clergy but also between clergy and lay members. Annual Conference was often a time when I as a pastor serving a local church forged a stronger connection with my lay member(s) through the informal time spent together. Also, in forging stronger relationships between ALL members of the conference, we allow ourselves to learn to trust others more and perhaps the true Christian Conferencing might take place.
I apologize for the great length of this, but hope that I have fully articulated my thoughts on this. I would be happy to speak further about this because I do believe it is important.
The length of Annual Conference is not about clergy privilege. It is about promoting an educated, inspired, committed, connectional church—both laity and clergy.
I want to express my sincere appreciation for doing something NEW with Annual Conference. The move to a “weekend” was a great idea and the change of venue was pleasant as well. The balloting process went so smoothly it was amazing!
Attendees found the facility accessible and convenient in many ways. I know that many women appreciated the great number of restrooms available!
The one “complaint” that I have is about the shortness of the conference and the “rushed” feeling. There were a number of times that I found myself not yet back into the sanctuary when the session had begun—in particular this was around short 10 minute breaks which were simply not long enough for folks to have used the restroom and gotten a drink from a water fountain (it’s those lines in the ladies’ room!)
I do appreciate the move to a weekend for the purpose of making it easier on the laity to be available to attend—especially younger lay members. My suggestion would be to continue conference through a Sunday! I’m certain there would be complaints about Sunday worship disruption, but I believe that could be an opportunity for creative, outside the box thinking! Why not make that Sunday a worship experience workshop! Have several worship experience options at Camp Sumatanga and at some of the churches in the Birmingham Area. Invite not just members of the Annual Conference to attend, but also United Methodists from across the Conference. Many pastors and church members don’t get to experience worship beyond the traditional setting where they are. Many may be afraid to try new things because they haven’t seen it done before. Why not provide opportunities for folks to worship in a variety of settings?
My reason for suggesting this is that the shortness of conference can have detrimental effects on several aspects of the life of the Annual Conference, not the least of which is clergy enlistment.
One of the things that I value about the United Methodist Church is the connection—the idea that church members are united in serving God across the world. I have been a part of United Methodist congregations in New Jersey, Georgia, Ohio, North Carolina, and here in Alabama. I have personally experienced “the connection.” For many UMC pastors, the point of contact is the Annual Conference meeting. And I would venture to say that for many lay members, their understanding of the “church universal” begins with the Annual Conference.
I think that we do not do enough to promote the “informal” connection between persons across the conference—both lay and clergy. When we limit Conference to a short “business” meeting with very little worship, then we limit the power of the Holy Spirit to be at work in those times of informal “conferencing.” (oops, I guess I have a second complaint—not enough worship at Annual Conference, but I won’t go into that here)
I said that this is also about clergy enlistment and I want to share a little of my history so that you can understand where I am coming from on that point.
When I was in high school, I had the privilege of attending two sessions of the Annual Conference in West Ohio. This is held at Lakeside—a community situated on Lake Erie much like Lake Junaluska. My experience of participating in all aspects of Annual Conference at that age probably confirmed my burgeoning call to ministry. My sense of belonging to Someone and something greater than myself.
Annual Conference was something that included all aspects of being at Lakeside…it was the shared meals as well as the business sessions, it was watching my Associate Pastor be ordained an Elder. It was spending time in legislative sections that debated issues and resolutions and it was spending time with the women in the house where I was staying.--learning from them about their churches. It was the youth delegates sharing doughnuts with the Bishop.
All that is to say, my connection to the Connection had as much to do with being with other delegates in informal settings as it did with the conference business sessions. I believed even as a youth delegate that I was connected to UMC in a life-giving, life-changing way.
I think that in the North Alabama Annual Conference, as the Bishop himself indicated during Conference, that sense of belonging and connectedness for young people in the North Alabama Conference has come through Camp. In introducing me to people in this conference where he grew up, my husband continually is saying, “he was my camp counselor” or “I know her from camp.” In my position, I speak in churches across the conference and in over six years now, with exception of one church, I have been asked in every church about members of my extended family either because of Camp or because they were missionaries and/or speakers at Camp.
That sense of belonging to Someone greater than ourselves often comes when we find ourselves connected to other persons—Camp is one of those places and Annual Conference can be one of those places. Annual Conference Sessions that allow time for fellowship, sharing and learning beyond the business sessions can be meaningful times when we make connections via the Holy Spirit with other United Methodist Christians and the Spirit speaks to us in sighs too deep for words.
When we limited our Annual Conference to “business only” and don’t allow time for special meals and gatherings or workshops, bible studies and worship, we are limiting the times when we can nurture our sense of connection –not just among clergy but also between clergy and lay members. Annual Conference was often a time when I as a pastor serving a local church forged a stronger connection with my lay member(s) through the informal time spent together. Also, in forging stronger relationships between ALL members of the conference, we allow ourselves to learn to trust others more and perhaps the true Christian Conferencing might take place.
I apologize for the great length of this, but hope that I have fully articulated my thoughts on this. I would be happy to speak further about this because I do believe it is important.
The length of Annual Conference is not about clergy privilege. It is about promoting an educated, inspired, committed, connectional church—both laity and clergy.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
18 Years of Wedded Bliss!
During the time that I have neglected to write, Ron and I celebrated our 18th anniversary! I can hardly believe that in August it will be 20 years since we met! I told him yesterday that I look at him and think that he still looks the same as when I met him and he said the same to me. However, in looking at old pictures, I know it's not true! here....see for yourself!
This picture is from our first date---it was actually a surprise party for my 24th birthday! Ron was supposed to keep me away from my apartment for awhile and then get "forget something" and take me back there--needless to say, it wasn't much of a surprise! But as you can see, he could charm me with his singing from the very beginning!
Here's a picture after one year of marriage when we were ordained UM Deacons in the West Ohio Conference--not too much wear and tear. The one stoles if after three years of marriage when we were ordained Elders....you can see the years beginning to tell.... (the woman between us is Ron's mother) 
This picture is from our first date---it was actually a surprise party for my 24th birthday! Ron was supposed to keep me away from my apartment for awhile and then get "forget something" and take me back there--needless to say, it wasn't much of a surprise! But as you can see, he could charm me with his singing from the very beginning!
As you can guess--this is from our wedding day! May 20, 1989. This was in the Alumni Commons Room at Duke Divinity School. I'm not sure what that room is used for now.... We weren't married in the "big chapel" just York Chapel in the Divinity School. It was a bizarre space for a wedding, but it was the only place that Ron and I shared in worship together and it was were our community was..... some might say it was a "bizarre" wedding--I was into doing things theologically correct as well as trying to be non-sexist...(just think out sexists our wedding traditions really are and how hard it is to "route them out"! 
Here's a picture after one year of marriage when we were ordained UM Deacons in the West Ohio Conference--not too much wear and tear. The one stoles if after three years of marriage when we were ordained Elders....you can see the years beginning to tell.... (the woman between us is Ron's mother) 
Well......I had uploaded several other pictures, but then I lost the internet connection and so they didn't publish....I took that as a sign that I should post this last most recent picture.....ok...when I look at the pictures I see that we have changed.....but when I look into the face of my wonderful husband, i see the same sweet young man that I married 18 years ago!
Summer is Here
ok...so sorry not to have posted in so long--not that I believe anyone is really looking at my blog these days---it's been a long time since I posted!
BUT, I am so glad that school is out!!! OK...so I'm not in school, but i have a daughter who is and in so many ways, i am too because of her!
Anyway....I hope that since I won't be helping with homework as much, maybe i'll have time to write here more!
just glad to be online again....
BUT, I am so glad that school is out!!! OK...so I'm not in school, but i have a daughter who is and in so many ways, i am too because of her!
Anyway....I hope that since I won't be helping with homework as much, maybe i'll have time to write here more!
just glad to be online again....
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Ghost in the Graveyard
Google "haunted places in Alabama" and Pinson UMC will come up.
Many folks say that there is a woman who sweeps the graves. The view from our back deck is of the graveyard...here's a picture.
I choose to believe what the Rev Hub says....it's just full of saints....
Monday, March 19, 2007
Saturday Psalm
As the deer longs for flowing streams
so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and behold the face of God?
my tears have been my food day and night,
while people say to me continually, "Where is your god?"
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I went with the throng,
and led them in procession to the house of God,
with glad shouts and songs of thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the thunder of your cataracts;
all your waves and your billows have gone over me.
By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is wiht me.
a prayer to the god of my life.
I say to God, my rock, "why have you forgotten me?
Why must I walk about mournfully because the enemy oppresses me?"
As with a deadly wound in my body, my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me continually, "Where is your God?"
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquited within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.
Psalm 42
so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and behold the face of God?
my tears have been my food day and night,
while people say to me continually, "Where is your god?"
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I went with the throng,
and led them in procession to the house of God,
with glad shouts and songs of thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the thunder of your cataracts;
all your waves and your billows have gone over me.
By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is wiht me.
a prayer to the god of my life.
I say to God, my rock, "why have you forgotten me?
Why must I walk about mournfully because the enemy oppresses me?"
As with a deadly wound in my body, my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me continually, "Where is your God?"
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquited within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.
Psalm 42
Sunday, March 04, 2007
still marching....
My father-in-law participated in the March from Selma to Montgomery. We figured out tonight that my husband was actually in-utero at the time.....His dad had known AD King (MLK, Jr.) when he (Bob) was in seminary at Emery. The story always told is that MLK, Jr. held Ron's older sister when she was an infant....
In reading about all the events today, I wished I could have been there. I wrote my thesis about the involvement of Methodist students at Duke and UNC in the civil rights movement. I was motivated to study that when I heard a story from the Senior Pastor with whom I was working. Here's the story....
During the 1960s, he was a Campus Minister at Harvard. He brought groups of students to NC to do voter registration. When he returned to NC to finish out his ministry, over 25 years later, there were pastors who remembered what he had done and would not speak to him....
This got me to thinking: Why did he have to bring students from out of state to North Carolina? What were the students who lived there doing?
So, that's what I researched and wrote my thesis on when I did my ThM....the most interesting thing I found out from that is that often the newspaper articles that I found had the story wrong. They didn't accurately report was was happening. Often the articles conflicted with the stories that I heard from people who had participated in events! I'm not sure though if some of the misreporting wasn't done on purpose...
If you're interested in learning more about Civil Rights here in Birmingham, I would recommend the book Carry Me Home. Written by a woman who grew up in Birmingham, she has interspersed her own remembrances with research.
"We fought for the soul of our country, on the streets of this city."
I heard Robert Eggers (founder and Director of DC Central Kitchen) say that last week and I thought it was meaningful. He then went on to say that we have spent 40 years in the wilderness.....That in 2008, it will be 40 years since MLK, Jr. and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated. He said, "and we didn't deal with it. We just moved on." His hope seems to be that in 2008, we'll come out of the wilderness. Could it be???
But, I do have to stay...now that I live in this city, it's as if there's a large group of white people who simply chose to "move on" here as well and have never dealt with any of the seismic changes that happened in the 60s...the racism just went underground...
My last thought....
Why weren't there any Republicans there?
In reading about all the events today, I wished I could have been there. I wrote my thesis about the involvement of Methodist students at Duke and UNC in the civil rights movement. I was motivated to study that when I heard a story from the Senior Pastor with whom I was working. Here's the story....
During the 1960s, he was a Campus Minister at Harvard. He brought groups of students to NC to do voter registration. When he returned to NC to finish out his ministry, over 25 years later, there were pastors who remembered what he had done and would not speak to him....
This got me to thinking: Why did he have to bring students from out of state to North Carolina? What were the students who lived there doing?
So, that's what I researched and wrote my thesis on when I did my ThM....the most interesting thing I found out from that is that often the newspaper articles that I found had the story wrong. They didn't accurately report was was happening. Often the articles conflicted with the stories that I heard from people who had participated in events! I'm not sure though if some of the misreporting wasn't done on purpose...
If you're interested in learning more about Civil Rights here in Birmingham, I would recommend the book Carry Me Home. Written by a woman who grew up in Birmingham, she has interspersed her own remembrances with research.
"We fought for the soul of our country, on the streets of this city."
I heard Robert Eggers (founder and Director of DC Central Kitchen) say that last week and I thought it was meaningful. He then went on to say that we have spent 40 years in the wilderness.....That in 2008, it will be 40 years since MLK, Jr. and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated. He said, "and we didn't deal with it. We just moved on." His hope seems to be that in 2008, we'll come out of the wilderness. Could it be???
But, I do have to stay...now that I live in this city, it's as if there's a large group of white people who simply chose to "move on" here as well and have never dealt with any of the seismic changes that happened in the 60s...the racism just went underground...
My last thought....
Why weren't there any Republicans there?
Saturday, March 03, 2007
family
What does it mean to be family?
How do we become (and stay) family?
Is blood thicker than water?
Are families more made than birthed?
The older I get, the more I ponder such questions....As I marvel at my family and how we move through life.....the ties that bind us together...
How do we become (and stay) family?
Is blood thicker than water?
Are families more made than birthed?
The older I get, the more I ponder such questions....As I marvel at my family and how we move through life.....the ties that bind us together...
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Inclusiveness
Not sure if I've written on this before now..If I have, forgive me for the rerun....
I had a conversation with a friend last night and I was trying to explain my desire to hear/read inclusion language concerning God.... I really feel uncomfortable hearing/seeing "He" or "His" in reference to God.... I said that God is neither male nor female. And he asked "what about the whole thing about "Father" and Jesus as "son." OK...so here's my personal story first and then I'll come back to the theological reasoning in a moment.
My mother was the most important person in my life--as many mothers are for their children. She was probably the most "real" Christian I have ever known (of her generation). She was deeply passionate about caring for those in need; usually serving as the chair of the Missions Committee and/or as an officer in United Methodist Women (women's missions organization). The only time I can remember her leaving home for any events was to go once a year to the UMW's School of Christian Mission. All this is to say, my passion for missions was instilled by my mother. My faith was nutured by her--every night ended with a reading from "Little Visits with God." The only items I can ever remember seeing her sit and read were Mission magazines, Disciple Bible Study, or her Sunday school lessons and circle materials...ok, so I think she had a subscription to Ladies' Home Journal, Better Homes & Gardens, and Redbook, but I think she only bought those for the recipes!
Anyway, she died of cancer at age 60 when I was 30 years old. For a long time, I was very depressed and unhappy, and found it very difficult to pray. I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, but I was probably very angry at God for allowing it to happen. She suffered terribly in the last months of her life. When she died, none of her children had yet produced a grandchild. That was her one regret. She loved children so deeply (she had been a teacher) and she wanted to spoil those grandbabies that were yet to be..... ok, so I was probably rip, roarin' mad at God, but I couldn't express that.
How could I be mad at God? I was the Associate Pastor of a large church...I had to lead prayers every Sunday and teach and preach and worship....besides all that, I knew that "She was in a better place." She wasn't afraid to die and I knew that she was with God...
So...how does this relate to any of this God language stuff?
In finally beginning to work through my grief, it took me a while to realize that the things that I missed about my mother were the qualities about her that were "God-like." What I missed more than anything was her unconditional love for me. What I wanted more than anything was to be a child again and crawl up in her lap.
Once I started to connect these dots, I began to "recover the feminine in God." The qualities that I missed in my mother were available to me through God. It was only when I began to envision God as Mother that I was able to begin to let go of my grief and begin to pray again.
So, back to the theological reasoning... God is NEITHER male nor female exclusively--but rather both. If I as a woman am created in the image of God, doesn't that mean that part of God's image has to be female?
As far as the "son" part: Yes, Jesus was male, but that was the "earthly" Jesus--he had to be one gender or the other...However, I'm not sure that the eternal "Christ" has to be thought of as exclusively male.
As for the Holy Spirit: neither male nor female.....
Our language, especially English, is quite limiting.... It places the God of the Universe into small, finite bits. I chose to do my best to not limit the qualities of God to all those that we humans associate with males.
The One who created the universe is much bigger than any of the words that we use.....
I had a conversation with a friend last night and I was trying to explain my desire to hear/read inclusion language concerning God.... I really feel uncomfortable hearing/seeing "He" or "His" in reference to God.... I said that God is neither male nor female. And he asked "what about the whole thing about "Father" and Jesus as "son." OK...so here's my personal story first and then I'll come back to the theological reasoning in a moment.
My mother was the most important person in my life--as many mothers are for their children. She was probably the most "real" Christian I have ever known (of her generation). She was deeply passionate about caring for those in need; usually serving as the chair of the Missions Committee and/or as an officer in United Methodist Women (women's missions organization). The only time I can remember her leaving home for any events was to go once a year to the UMW's School of Christian Mission. All this is to say, my passion for missions was instilled by my mother. My faith was nutured by her--every night ended with a reading from "Little Visits with God." The only items I can ever remember seeing her sit and read were Mission magazines, Disciple Bible Study, or her Sunday school lessons and circle materials...ok, so I think she had a subscription to Ladies' Home Journal, Better Homes & Gardens, and Redbook, but I think she only bought those for the recipes!
Anyway, she died of cancer at age 60 when I was 30 years old. For a long time, I was very depressed and unhappy, and found it very difficult to pray. I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, but I was probably very angry at God for allowing it to happen. She suffered terribly in the last months of her life. When she died, none of her children had yet produced a grandchild. That was her one regret. She loved children so deeply (she had been a teacher) and she wanted to spoil those grandbabies that were yet to be..... ok, so I was probably rip, roarin' mad at God, but I couldn't express that.
How could I be mad at God? I was the Associate Pastor of a large church...I had to lead prayers every Sunday and teach and preach and worship....besides all that, I knew that "She was in a better place." She wasn't afraid to die and I knew that she was with God...
So...how does this relate to any of this God language stuff?
In finally beginning to work through my grief, it took me a while to realize that the things that I missed about my mother were the qualities about her that were "God-like." What I missed more than anything was her unconditional love for me. What I wanted more than anything was to be a child again and crawl up in her lap.
Once I started to connect these dots, I began to "recover the feminine in God." The qualities that I missed in my mother were available to me through God. It was only when I began to envision God as Mother that I was able to begin to let go of my grief and begin to pray again.
So, back to the theological reasoning... God is NEITHER male nor female exclusively--but rather both. If I as a woman am created in the image of God, doesn't that mean that part of God's image has to be female?
As far as the "son" part: Yes, Jesus was male, but that was the "earthly" Jesus--he had to be one gender or the other...However, I'm not sure that the eternal "Christ" has to be thought of as exclusively male.
As for the Holy Spirit: neither male nor female.....
Our language, especially English, is quite limiting.... It places the God of the Universe into small, finite bits. I chose to do my best to not limit the qualities of God to all those that we humans associate with males.
The One who created the universe is much bigger than any of the words that we use.....
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
You can never have too many pictures of a baby!
the parents surrounded by their family
The Proud Great Grandmother
Great Aunt
I've always thought that I was a great Aunt, but now I can really claim the title! Thanks to the new little Clover born on New Year's Day! 
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
check out my new links
Check out the new links along the side---especially Mandy's Blog
Those are Mandy's stories of life in France!
Those are Mandy's stories of life in France!
Some Music
Here are a couple of cool music websites:
Our new Youth Director turned me on to this one. Derek Webb wrote some edgy stuff that many "Christian Bookstores" would not sell his stuff anymore. So, he was giving it away for a while..His sales picked up again so it's not for free any more but you can buy it at itunes.......take a look at his website at:
Derek Webb
The other website is a group that includes a young man who family belonged to a church that I served YEARS ago when he was just a little one! He's the one with the dark hair.
Lady Antebellum
Our new Youth Director turned me on to this one. Derek Webb wrote some edgy stuff that many "Christian Bookstores" would not sell his stuff anymore. So, he was giving it away for a while..His sales picked up again so it's not for free any more but you can buy it at itunes.......take a look at his website at:
Derek Webb
The other website is a group that includes a young man who family belonged to a church that I served YEARS ago when he was just a little one! He's the one with the dark hair.
Lady Antebellum
Friday, October 06, 2006
Rev Gals Friday Five: Civic Duties
http://revgalblogpals.blogspot.com/
Friday Five: Civic Duties
It's that season of the year when lawn signs are sprouting as surely as flowers in the spring; elections are just around the corner. And so today we bring you a Civic Duty Friday Five.
1) How old were you when you voted for the first time?
I think that I was 19, but I'm really getting old because that just doesn't make sense. I thought it was in a Presidential Election that I voted, but it must not have been......because it was Nov. 1983? (oops--it was 1982!) I sat in my boyfriend's dorm room and let him tell me who to vote for on my absentee ballot! ugh! (and that ballot had the little styrofoam punches that leaves hanging chads!)
2) What was the contest at the top of the ballot?
I can't remember (see above!) . It must have been a Senate race or a Governor's Race.... My mind is befuddled because I thought it was the 1984 presidential election. Which actually took place during my sophomore year and our college had a mock convention for the party out of power--which would have been the democratics. I got to be a part of the Idaho delegation and we initially nominated "Mr. Potato Head"--ok, maybe we just thought about that one....but the mock convention ultimately nominated Gary Hart!
3) Can you walk to your polling place?
yes...it's actually in our church and the parsonage is right next door! It's quite unnerving because several of our church members work the polls and I have to walk in and declare my party to get the right primary ballot. It's unnerving because I really feel like the "brite blue dot in a really red state" that I am!
4) Have you ever run for public office?
nope and don't plan on it (even in local politics anymore, it's just too nasty!)
5) Have you run for office in a club or school or on a board?
yes...I always seemed to get elected secretary of every group I belonged to in high school!
Friday Five: Civic Duties
It's that season of the year when lawn signs are sprouting as surely as flowers in the spring; elections are just around the corner. And so today we bring you a Civic Duty Friday Five.
1) How old were you when you voted for the first time?
I think that I was 19, but I'm really getting old because that just doesn't make sense. I thought it was in a Presidential Election that I voted, but it must not have been......because it was Nov. 1983? (oops--it was 1982!) I sat in my boyfriend's dorm room and let him tell me who to vote for on my absentee ballot! ugh! (and that ballot had the little styrofoam punches that leaves hanging chads!)
2) What was the contest at the top of the ballot?
I can't remember (see above!) . It must have been a Senate race or a Governor's Race.... My mind is befuddled because I thought it was the 1984 presidential election. Which actually took place during my sophomore year and our college had a mock convention for the party out of power--which would have been the democratics. I got to be a part of the Idaho delegation and we initially nominated "Mr. Potato Head"--ok, maybe we just thought about that one....but the mock convention ultimately nominated Gary Hart!
3) Can you walk to your polling place?
yes...it's actually in our church and the parsonage is right next door! It's quite unnerving because several of our church members work the polls and I have to walk in and declare my party to get the right primary ballot. It's unnerving because I really feel like the "brite blue dot in a really red state" that I am!
4) Have you ever run for public office?
nope and don't plan on it (even in local politics anymore, it's just too nasty!)
5) Have you run for office in a club or school or on a board?
yes...I always seemed to get elected secretary of every group I belonged to in high school!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
what I needed on my birthday
My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.
- James 1:2-4
That's when I want you - you knower of my emptiness, you unspeaking partner to my sorrow. That's when I need you, God, like food.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
from Sojouners Daily Verse and Voice
- James 1:2-4
That's when I want you - you knower of my emptiness, you unspeaking partner to my sorrow. That's when I need you, God, like food.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
from Sojouners Daily Verse and Voice
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
On the Eve of my Birthday
So, tomorrow is my 43rd birthday...what's scary is that that means I am beginning my 44th(!) year on earth. My sister is turning 40 tomorrow as well. (i know, it's strange, I'm not sure how my parents worked that one out!)
I'm not getting my birthday gift until the end of the month, though. RevHub's best friend is getting married in San Francisco, so we are headed there for 6 days! Both of us have been there before, but not together. RH has been to visit his friend several times as well as a "family" trip that he took a few years ago with his father and two sisters (the year before his dad died). My one trip there was as a chaperone for our Youth Choir Tour. It was an amazing and awful trip one and the same time....it was wonderful in every way except for the fact that we were what I would call "transportationally challenged." here are a few of the highlights:
I'm not getting my birthday gift until the end of the month, though. RevHub's best friend is getting married in San Francisco, so we are headed there for 6 days! Both of us have been there before, but not together. RH has been to visit his friend several times as well as a "family" trip that he took a few years ago with his father and two sisters (the year before his dad died). My one trip there was as a chaperone for our Youth Choir Tour. It was an amazing and awful trip one and the same time....it was wonderful in every way except for the fact that we were what I would call "transportationally challenged." here are a few of the highlights:
- before we ever got on the plane in Raleigh, they had to fly a completely new plane from Atlanta to RDU for us. Needless to say, we missed our connection in Atlanta and only half of the 65 of us got on another flight that night and made it to Oakland
- Half of us made it there, but for some of us the luggage made it and for some of us (including me) it didn't
- the tour bus that was supposed to pick us up could not be found upon arrival at Oakland--evidentially it did
- one of the children got left on the bus sleeping when we arrived the hostel. When she woke up 20 minutes after he'd dropped us off, she about gave the driver a heart attack when she walked to the front of the bus.
- the next night, the second half arrived --having to take the subway with their luggage from the Oakland airport to the Giants stadium to the baseball game
- we were the last ones to leave the game because once again, the bus could not be found. In talking with a woman who seemed to be using more Chinese than English (and none of us spoke Chinese), we figured out, it had a flat tire.
- One day the driver showed up with a significantly smaller bus and we had seven people who sat on the floor in the aisle
- Finally, to top the week off, the bus failed to show up to take us to the airport. That was after the choir director and most of the choir had decided to stay awake all night since the bus was coming at 5 a.m. anyway and they could sleep on the plane. We got about 15 folks to the airport via alternate means and they made the original flight. when the rest of us finally got to the airport about 10 a.m. on Sunday, we were told that the next flight that we could get on was at 4 p.m. Monday! However, they would good enough to divide us up with a few youth and at least one adult in a group and put us on other flights...the only problem was that we were in Oakland and all the other flights were out of San Fran or San Jose and we had to hire transportation between airports. I was in the last group that flew out at 11 p.m. on Sunday, but we were the first to arrive in Raleigh at 1 p.m. on Monday (we were supposed to be home on Sunday by 5 p.m.)
SO....I only hope that this trip is better transportationally speaking than my last!!!
Well...I forgot to mention, part of my gift is that we are renting a convertible mustang! Surely that will be better!
Forgiveness? only by God's grace
There have been reports that members of the Amish community have forgiven the man who killed their little girls. When I first heard this in a report, I was astounded and thought, how could anyone "process" their grief so quickly and reach forgiveness already.
Later, I heard another report that said that the community had begun to think about how they could respond to the family of the shooter. They had talked about taking food to his widow. That's when I began to think...what a witness to God's grace.
The power to forgive is not through our own strength or goodness or will. Rather, we are able to forgive, only by the power of God's grace.
Although the report that I have linked talks also about some members of the community believing this was God's plan, I strongly disagree with that theology. But, I do believe whatever happens to us, we have a choice in how we respond and in that response we can witness to God's Grace.
Later, I heard another report that said that the community had begun to think about how they could respond to the family of the shooter. They had talked about taking food to his widow. That's when I began to think...what a witness to God's grace.
The power to forgive is not through our own strength or goodness or will. Rather, we are able to forgive, only by the power of God's grace.
Although the report that I have linked talks also about some members of the community believing this was God's plan, I strongly disagree with that theology. But, I do believe whatever happens to us, we have a choice in how we respond and in that response we can witness to God's Grace.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Charleston: What we saw
Here are a couple of pictures from the Battery park (I can't remember the name of it) .
It was absolutely beautiful! Here are a couple of pictures of homes.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Charleston: Where we stayed
My sis finally sent me some pictures from Charleston, so I wanted to share some of these. I think I'll just post a few each day over the next week because she sent me several.
This is the building where we stayed. There is a stairway to the left that you can barely see. We were on the second floor in the back half of the building. Below are pictures from the inside of our "apartment."
The building that is barely visible on the left is a restaurant and the two guys hanging out in front are actually the valets for The Oak.
This is the living area. There is a small kitchen area off to the right as well as a full bath with a washer/dryer.
Here Sis and I are the door to the apartment.
This is the bedroom...and at the far end, you can see the second full bath. What you can't see is that above the bathroom area there is a loft that has exposed brick. I'm not sure that you can tell from the pictures, but the ceilings were probably 12-15 feet. The hard wood floors were beautiful and the bathrooms were lovely.
Here is a link to the website
historic charleston accommodations
It was a wonderful place for us to stay and we greatly enjoyed being right downtown where everything was happening! I post more pictures later....
Monday, September 25, 2006
Mothers and Daughters
Standing in the middle of Walgreen's shopping, my 14 year old daughter is trying to decide which type of Axe deodorant she prefers.I notice a yellow bottle on the bottom shelf. Picking it up, I show her the Jean Nate. In my memory it is that "smelly stuff" that my mother sprayed all over herself.
I simply tell my daughter that my mother who she never knew wore this. She finds the scent pleasing and then hugs me saying, "that must bring back memories." She senses my meloncholy, but what brings tears to my eyes are not the memories from my childhood. What overwhelms me is my daughter's care for me.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Band is my LIFE
Ok...so it's not MY life--it's controlling my life though! Because it's my child's life. I was so sad to miss her very first performance at the first home football game.
But, when I did get to see the half-time show at the pep rally before the second home game, my eyes filled with tears to see my child march!
I don't think that I have ever felt so proud of something that my child has done. She has put so much time and effort into learning Trumpet and all of the marching techniques!
So, band is now OUR life as far as every Friday night game, Saturday competition, Band practices on Monday, Tues. and Thurs afternoons not to mention the Band Fundraisers including RevHub and I helping with the parking for home games! But, I couldn't be prouder of her and her commitment to doing something with excellence!
Move to France
Yeah....I wish it was me! No...it's my brother, sister-in-law and their almost 4 year old daughter! Here is a picture of where they will be living! I can't wait to visit!
He got a transfer to a plant in Grenoble, in the mountains near Italy. What an opportunity to live in a place so beautiful and to experience another culture.
I will miss them, though. It's a three to five year assignment. We hope to get over there at least two or three times, but at this point, it looks like it will be an entire year before I see them for the first time. We are taking an EO tour (4th journey of Paul) that will be a cruise starting at Athens, including Rome and ending in Nice which is about 2 hours from where they will be. So...planning to tack a few days on the trip and visit.
Alabama Constitutional Reform
In the past year, I have had the opportunity to look at some of the issues faced by those in Birmingham and Alabama who live in poverty. One of the things that I have firmly come to believe is that the situation in AL is not going to get much better until we get a new state contitution.
If you are one of my friends living in Alabama, I encourage you to go to this the Alabama Citizens for Constitutional Reform website and read. Look for opportuntities to participate and advocate. Look for ways to help make systemic change for ALL of us!
If you are one of my friends living in Alabama, I encourage you to go to this the Alabama Citizens for Constitutional Reform website and read. Look for opportuntities to participate and advocate. Look for ways to help make systemic change for ALL of us!
trying to post a picture
this is just my attempt to post a picture....still trying to figure this thing out!!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
more on my OldFriend and others
Well, the one person that I saw in my visit to Albany was my friend Jodi. She was a friend from school and church and we rode the same bus....It was wonderful to see her and catch up and EVERYTHING that had happened since we were 15 years old! She looks great and sounds like she always did. She caught me up on everyone that we could both remember from school and church....I couldn't believe how easy it really was to pick up a conversation that was left off when we were fifteen and before we'd lived so much of our life.....
Then, I emailed my other old friend, the screenwriter. I had a vague memory of his email address (mine had changed and I had lost my address book) ....I guessed right and he was surprised to hear, but we exchanged a few emails and I sent him some of the pictures I took. He caught me up on a few friends that we had both known. But, the coolest thing was that he gave me email addresses for a couple of our teachers (I find this amazing that he had kept up with these two teachers for over 25 years!) Anyway, I have heard back from one of them and hope to talk with her soon by phone.....
the strangest thing of all to learn is that her daughter attended the same college that I did (many years after me!) But, what is bizarre about it is that her daughter grew up in Georgia and this college is in Ohio! I don't think I ever knew anyone at OWU that was from the deep south!
So, why does this all seems so wonderful and amazing to me? I think that I finally figured some of it out....
We lived in Albany for only three years. My brother and sister are both younger than I and do not have many memories of it. They also did not have as positive of an experience living there as I did. For me it was wonderful; I found myself during those years. I was confirmed in the church and began to have a call to ministry. I began to believe in my own abilities and have faith that I could accomplish goals in my life.
There is no one in my life now who knows that part of my life---my parents both have died (over 10 years ago) and there has been no one else with whom I can speak about those days. Re-connecting with all these folks feels like pulling pieces of my life back together--tying it back up into a neat pattern.
When I was in seminary, the meaning of Psalm 139 really hit me. I was farther away from my "home" than I had ever been and on my own for the first time. I longed to have some one in my life who knew all of my life. However, it was then that I realized that only God knows us so intimately. There is no one else who walks with us from birth to death and knows every part of our life as her/his own. I am grateful for the abiding Presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, but I am also grateful that along my journey I have had companions to walk parts of the path with me. And I have been blessed to walk with them through the valleys in their lives and up to the top of the mountains.
Reconnecting with folks from one "era" in my life has re-affirmed the goodness of companionship and friendship as well as reassuring me that God has walked the entire path with me.
Then, I emailed my other old friend, the screenwriter. I had a vague memory of his email address (mine had changed and I had lost my address book) ....I guessed right and he was surprised to hear, but we exchanged a few emails and I sent him some of the pictures I took. He caught me up on a few friends that we had both known. But, the coolest thing was that he gave me email addresses for a couple of our teachers (I find this amazing that he had kept up with these two teachers for over 25 years!) Anyway, I have heard back from one of them and hope to talk with her soon by phone.....
the strangest thing of all to learn is that her daughter attended the same college that I did (many years after me!) But, what is bizarre about it is that her daughter grew up in Georgia and this college is in Ohio! I don't think I ever knew anyone at OWU that was from the deep south!
So, why does this all seems so wonderful and amazing to me? I think that I finally figured some of it out....
We lived in Albany for only three years. My brother and sister are both younger than I and do not have many memories of it. They also did not have as positive of an experience living there as I did. For me it was wonderful; I found myself during those years. I was confirmed in the church and began to have a call to ministry. I began to believe in my own abilities and have faith that I could accomplish goals in my life.
There is no one in my life now who knows that part of my life---my parents both have died (over 10 years ago) and there has been no one else with whom I can speak about those days. Re-connecting with all these folks feels like pulling pieces of my life back together--tying it back up into a neat pattern.
When I was in seminary, the meaning of Psalm 139 really hit me. I was farther away from my "home" than I had ever been and on my own for the first time. I longed to have some one in my life who knew all of my life. However, it was then that I realized that only God knows us so intimately. There is no one else who walks with us from birth to death and knows every part of our life as her/his own. I am grateful for the abiding Presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, but I am also grateful that along my journey I have had companions to walk parts of the path with me. And I have been blessed to walk with them through the valleys in their lives and up to the top of the mountains.
Reconnecting with folks from one "era" in my life has re-affirmed the goodness of companionship and friendship as well as reassuring me that God has walked the entire path with me.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
our house
Here is the house in which we lived. It looked smaller than I remembered when I saw it in person....but the picture made it look bigger again to me..not sure what that's about. What was definitely different was the trees! There was not a single tree in our yard! no shade whatsoever!
Junior High Schools
So here are the buildings that housed McIntosh Jr. High (7th grade)
and
Albany Jr. High (8th and 9th grades) in the late 70's. The AJHS building sits right behind the hospital and is now owned by the hospital. The McIntosh building is now an elementary school---with a new wing added and some of the old building torn down from what I could see.I had a devil of a time finding the schools because I had just my "bus ride" memories of how to get there.....
Seeing the building just brought a flood of memories from inside the walls...wish I could have walked the halls a bit to see what the inside like, but then perhaps it would have taken away some of the nostaglia!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Crash
Haven't been here for a while....we were on "vacation" last week. It actually turned into a trip to Ohio to visit my sister because she had a car wreck.
She was t-boned by a truck which ran a red light. Her left arm was nicely bruised and she had at least one broken rib, but they kept her in the hospital for three days because she had a lacerated spleen. She was VERY lucky not to have any bleeding from the spleen.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Preachers and Friends....
On Sunday, we had the pleasure of dear friends visiting us from our last church! It was a blessing to see them and share a meal together after services.
We hadn't spent time with them or even seen them since our move 9 months ago. How wonderful to visit! This is the first time that we have moved close enough to the last appointment that this was really possible--to have folks visit without it being a 10 hour drive! (well, ok, I don't count one church because we were only there a year and there really aren't folks there that would visit us!)
Anyway, at lunch one friend said that she is not going to let herself become friendly with any more preachers--it hurts too much when they leave.
Isn't this a dilemma for us all? How do we form friendships within the congregation? especially us United Methodist who know we will be leaving eventually.....
We hadn't spent time with them or even seen them since our move 9 months ago. How wonderful to visit! This is the first time that we have moved close enough to the last appointment that this was really possible--to have folks visit without it being a 10 hour drive! (well, ok, I don't count one church because we were only there a year and there really aren't folks there that would visit us!)
Anyway, at lunch one friend said that she is not going to let herself become friendly with any more preachers--it hurts too much when they leave.
Isn't this a dilemma for us all? How do we form friendships within the congregation? especially us United Methodist who know we will be leaving eventually.....
Monday, July 03, 2006
ears to hear
Rev Hub had some interesting comments after his sermon Sunday....
one said, "It was great to hear an anti-war sermon on the 4th of July"
another said, "So Bush is a bully and the US is goliath?"
but the one who loves President Bush thought it was a great sermon about fear and love
what is interesting is that the first two persons probably know RevHub's personal political views best and they "read into" the sermon things that were not there and not said....
I thought it was a great sermon about "perfect love casting out fear"--the word "war" was not in the sermon --neither was anything about the US or the President.....
isn't it interesting what people hear in sermons that is never said?
one said, "It was great to hear an anti-war sermon on the 4th of July"
another said, "So Bush is a bully and the US is goliath?"
but the one who loves President Bush thought it was a great sermon about fear and love
what is interesting is that the first two persons probably know RevHub's personal political views best and they "read into" the sermon things that were not there and not said....
I thought it was a great sermon about "perfect love casting out fear"--the word "war" was not in the sermon --neither was anything about the US or the President.....
isn't it interesting what people hear in sermons that is never said?
Thursday, June 29, 2006
To bear children or not?
Ok...so a listserv that I am on has a conversation going right now about the spiritual/biblical/christian issues for a single woman trying to decide about having a children by artificial insemination or by adoption..... below are some of my thoughts....post me about what you think! It's something about which I really struggle!
My husband and I struggled with infertility—at first we thought it was me and then we found it was a problem that could only be overcome by donor sperm. We briefly considered artificial insemination, but I really didn’t want to have a child “fathered” by someone other than my husband. But, even more than me, I really was thinking about the cultural pressures…..that somehow we seem to have this need to have our genetic material in the child we raise. I couldn’t understand why we should create another child, when there are so many children that need homes.
We had some friends that said some very painful things to us during that time. They went through invitro and were talking about wanting to have a child who was “really” theirs—implying to us that our beautiful child who we adopted when she was two years old was somehow not “truly” our child. What really angered me at the time was that this couple was spending LOTS of money to have a child….why not spend that money to adopt a child rather than create one?
I think that there is GREAT pressure within our society to produce children that our copies of our best selves. That’s not all bad, but somehow this need to replicate ourselves seems not exactly "Christian” in some way. What I mean is that my understanding about the Christian faith is that we are all “adopted” (Romans 8:15-17). Within the Roman Catholic tradition part of the point of celibacy is about not having children—not relying on our progeny to care for us in old age, but relying on the church. Within our culture isn't there an “the idolatry of the family” ? OK, not sure that all made sense, but what I’m trying to say that as a Christian, our family is about the church--not about the children that we procreate—which the world tells us is the MOST important part of our lives.
Anyway, there’s another issue that I think that we as females have to address when it comes to having children—whether we are married or single. Our society expects two things of women—to marry and have children. Even if we marry, there is a sense in which we are not seen as “fully female” if we have not experienced pregnancy and given birth. In my thirties as I dealt with this, it was a true grieving process for me to know that I would not have that particular experience. But, part of my coming to terms with that had to do with my accepting myself as a wholly female person without the birthing experience being part of my life.
Now, having a child who we adopted 12 years ago and is now 14, there are things that I see differently about adoption. Our daughter came with “issues” some of which are considered genetic and nothing that we did or didn’t do could have changed that……. Maybe it’s not that I see differently, but that I see my own situation more clearly, we chose to adopt a child that in many ways was an unknown and for her there are many things that will never be known..there are genetic and health questions that will always be issues. But, I do believe that we are all better persons for choosing to be a family. As our child has reached her teenage years, the “unknown” part has become more difficult and I am sympathetic in understanding that there is more “control” when we have some input in our child’s creation and birth.
Now, for the theological piece of this for me… (Most of my thinking about all of this was formed under the influence of Stanley Hauerwas and his thinking in Christian ethics )…..for me, being a Christian is about living in faithful community and how we do that is perhaps what is most important in our journey with Christ. I think that we are “called” to be parents just like we have vocational calls. Many people don’t see parenting as a call and don’t live like it is one. Children are gifts to us and we are blessed to have them. (not the other way around---I am not necessarily a blessing to my child). I am not the same person that I was before I became a parent and I am hopefully a better person because of it. I’ve learned things about myself from my child that I never would have learned in any other way.
There is part of me that really believes that part of what Christ asks of us is to live most faithfully within the situation in which we find ourselves. The issue may be to figure out whether there are things that we can do proactively to change our situation or if the situation requires us to live within it.
I think that the most important part of the decision making process is about questioning our motives…
Do I want to be a mother OR do I want to be pregnant and give birth?
Do I want to raise a child who is an “unknown” in many ways (ie, adopt someone who has none of my genetic material and/or “create” a child that would be unknown, in the sense of not having as much info on the father?)
How much am I being influenced by what society expects of me? (to bear children,…to raise a child with my own genetic material?)
So, this may sound like I am “against” artificial insemination and invitro, and in some ways perhaps I am… but I think that what I’m against is putting a great deal of money into “creating” a child when there are so many in need of homes. But, perhaps not all persons are called to be parents by adoption…..and I know the difficulties of raising a child that comes with baggage.
OK, I didn’t mean to go on at such length—it’s just something that I have struggled with and still struggle with! What does God ask of us? I think that it’s hard to hear God’s voice above what society would have us think about our roles as women and parents….
My husband and I struggled with infertility—at first we thought it was me and then we found it was a problem that could only be overcome by donor sperm. We briefly considered artificial insemination, but I really didn’t want to have a child “fathered” by someone other than my husband. But, even more than me, I really was thinking about the cultural pressures…..that somehow we seem to have this need to have our genetic material in the child we raise. I couldn’t understand why we should create another child, when there are so many children that need homes.
We had some friends that said some very painful things to us during that time. They went through invitro and were talking about wanting to have a child who was “really” theirs—implying to us that our beautiful child who we adopted when she was two years old was somehow not “truly” our child. What really angered me at the time was that this couple was spending LOTS of money to have a child….why not spend that money to adopt a child rather than create one?
I think that there is GREAT pressure within our society to produce children that our copies of our best selves. That’s not all bad, but somehow this need to replicate ourselves seems not exactly "Christian” in some way. What I mean is that my understanding about the Christian faith is that we are all “adopted” (Romans 8:15-17). Within the Roman Catholic tradition part of the point of celibacy is about not having children—not relying on our progeny to care for us in old age, but relying on the church. Within our culture isn't there an “the idolatry of the family” ? OK, not sure that all made sense, but what I’m trying to say that as a Christian, our family is about the church--not about the children that we procreate—which the world tells us is the MOST important part of our lives.
Anyway, there’s another issue that I think that we as females have to address when it comes to having children—whether we are married or single. Our society expects two things of women—to marry and have children. Even if we marry, there is a sense in which we are not seen as “fully female” if we have not experienced pregnancy and given birth. In my thirties as I dealt with this, it was a true grieving process for me to know that I would not have that particular experience. But, part of my coming to terms with that had to do with my accepting myself as a wholly female person without the birthing experience being part of my life.
Now, having a child who we adopted 12 years ago and is now 14, there are things that I see differently about adoption. Our daughter came with “issues” some of which are considered genetic and nothing that we did or didn’t do could have changed that……. Maybe it’s not that I see differently, but that I see my own situation more clearly, we chose to adopt a child that in many ways was an unknown and for her there are many things that will never be known..there are genetic and health questions that will always be issues. But, I do believe that we are all better persons for choosing to be a family. As our child has reached her teenage years, the “unknown” part has become more difficult and I am sympathetic in understanding that there is more “control” when we have some input in our child’s creation and birth.
Now, for the theological piece of this for me… (Most of my thinking about all of this was formed under the influence of Stanley Hauerwas and his thinking in Christian ethics )…..for me, being a Christian is about living in faithful community and how we do that is perhaps what is most important in our journey with Christ. I think that we are “called” to be parents just like we have vocational calls. Many people don’t see parenting as a call and don’t live like it is one. Children are gifts to us and we are blessed to have them. (not the other way around---I am not necessarily a blessing to my child). I am not the same person that I was before I became a parent and I am hopefully a better person because of it. I’ve learned things about myself from my child that I never would have learned in any other way.
There is part of me that really believes that part of what Christ asks of us is to live most faithfully within the situation in which we find ourselves. The issue may be to figure out whether there are things that we can do proactively to change our situation or if the situation requires us to live within it.
I think that the most important part of the decision making process is about questioning our motives…
Do I want to be a mother OR do I want to be pregnant and give birth?
Do I want to raise a child who is an “unknown” in many ways (ie, adopt someone who has none of my genetic material and/or “create” a child that would be unknown, in the sense of not having as much info on the father?)
How much am I being influenced by what society expects of me? (to bear children,…to raise a child with my own genetic material?)
So, this may sound like I am “against” artificial insemination and invitro, and in some ways perhaps I am… but I think that what I’m against is putting a great deal of money into “creating” a child when there are so many in need of homes. But, perhaps not all persons are called to be parents by adoption…..and I know the difficulties of raising a child that comes with baggage.
OK, I didn’t mean to go on at such length—it’s just something that I have struggled with and still struggle with! What does God ask of us? I think that it’s hard to hear God’s voice above what society would have us think about our roles as women and parents….
Friday, June 23, 2006
Ain't parsonage livin' grand?
Where does all the crap go?
Well, when you flush the toilet at our house, it goes to the septic tank in the back yard--which today decided that it had had enough!
A flooding toilet led to the septic tank having to be pumped -- and then the inside pipes needed cleared (by separate contactors!)
As best we have been able to determine from church members, it has NEVER been pumped--in 40 years!! The guys that opened it up said that it was "as bad as it gets"!
Parsonage living does have wonderful blessings, but sometimes there are disadvantages. For Methodists this can be complicated by a history of "short appointments." For us, this meant that in the past ten years, four families have lived in the home in which we now reside! No one has lived here long enough to have a memory of what has been done and not done!
Most of the parsonages in which I have lived (this is the fifth) have had a couple of common denominators--there is one place where parsonage families "store" things that they don't like, but aren't willing to put out in the trash or give to goodwill. And the other is a drawer where all the paperwork for all appliances, etc is kept. This house has the former, but not the later!
Our first parsonage was a beautiful home that had been built in 1910 with magnificent walnut moldings and pocket doors and built-in cabinets in the dining room as well as a fireplace and 12 foot ceilings. However, it was not air-conditioned and had not been treated well. BUT, it did have that all important drawer of information and the attic was filled with every light fixture ever removed and replaced as well as several old pieces of furniture.
Each of the homes in which we have lived has been newer and more modern. Each as had the obliglatory drawer of handbooks as well as a space (either garage or attic) filled with "stored" junk. I heard a story from a pastor's wife from one of the previous pastors at one of our churches. She said that when they replaced carpeting in the house, the chair of the parsonage committee requested that the worn out carpeting be stored in the basement in case a future parsonage family would prefer the green shag to the new neutral burber carpet.
Well, there's plenty of "crap" stored in the basement at this parsonage as well. But today, it was the real stuff that was the problem....
Well, when you flush the toilet at our house, it goes to the septic tank in the back yard--which today decided that it had had enough!
A flooding toilet led to the septic tank having to be pumped -- and then the inside pipes needed cleared (by separate contactors!)
As best we have been able to determine from church members, it has NEVER been pumped--in 40 years!! The guys that opened it up said that it was "as bad as it gets"!
Parsonage living does have wonderful blessings, but sometimes there are disadvantages. For Methodists this can be complicated by a history of "short appointments." For us, this meant that in the past ten years, four families have lived in the home in which we now reside! No one has lived here long enough to have a memory of what has been done and not done!
Most of the parsonages in which I have lived (this is the fifth) have had a couple of common denominators--there is one place where parsonage families "store" things that they don't like, but aren't willing to put out in the trash or give to goodwill. And the other is a drawer where all the paperwork for all appliances, etc is kept. This house has the former, but not the later!
Our first parsonage was a beautiful home that had been built in 1910 with magnificent walnut moldings and pocket doors and built-in cabinets in the dining room as well as a fireplace and 12 foot ceilings. However, it was not air-conditioned and had not been treated well. BUT, it did have that all important drawer of information and the attic was filled with every light fixture ever removed and replaced as well as several old pieces of furniture.
Each of the homes in which we have lived has been newer and more modern. Each as had the obliglatory drawer of handbooks as well as a space (either garage or attic) filled with "stored" junk. I heard a story from a pastor's wife from one of the previous pastors at one of our churches. She said that when they replaced carpeting in the house, the chair of the parsonage committee requested that the worn out carpeting be stored in the basement in case a future parsonage family would prefer the green shag to the new neutral burber carpet.
Well, there's plenty of "crap" stored in the basement at this parsonage as well. But today, it was the real stuff that was the problem....
Still in one peace
That little "tag line" is how I've seen Leonard Sweet sign some of his stuff--had to steal it for this week....
it's been VBS this week and I'm wiped....didn't realize it had been so long since I had posted anything....
I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend of cleaning!! and hopefully a little time to surf the web and post a little about VBS!
But, even with the last few hectic weeks I am "still in one peace"!
it's been VBS this week and I'm wiped....didn't realize it had been so long since I had posted anything....
I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend of cleaning!! and hopefully a little time to surf the web and post a little about VBS!
But, even with the last few hectic weeks I am "still in one peace"!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
conference hopping
I never did finish my thoughts on conference memories....just wanted to clarify something....I am United Methodist and was ordained in West Ohio Conference. Served a small congregation for two years there (this is the church created when the church I served, Calvary UMC, merged with the church RevHub served, Memorial). We then transferred to the North Carolina Conference. In NC, I served as an Associate pastor of a large, growing congregation, Orange UMC, and worked on a ThM at Duke. After 5 years at Orange, I went to work for Society of St. Andrew. When the RevHub's parents both became very ill, we decided to move closer to his family so we are now in North Alabama Conference were we have been for five years now.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
final conference thoughts
Now, for what I would consider the "low point" of Annual Conference this year....
There was only one resolution that was presented to the Conference. It was presented in the "pre-conference journal" so that all the delegates had it for a long time before conference. To see the original resolution click on the link and then go to page. 34.
What was actually passed was a substitute resolution that is virtually the opposite of the original. (Haven't got a link to that one, will post it if I can find it.)
I would term this the "low point" because of the tenor of debate and conversation around this issue more than what was actually passed.
(As an aside, I was disappointed in what was passed because it sounded very "pro-war" to me--not just a "support the troops," but support the President and everything that has happened. Additionally, the resolution also included an apocalyptic reference about "wars and rumors of wars" at the end of time.)
But, more than the resolution, I was disappointed in the way that people choose to couch their arguments and the cheering and clapping that accompanied debate. I would have hoped that the Bishop might have asked for perhaps a more "prayerful" attitude in our discussion. While it has become the practice of this conference to meld worship and work--- or "worshipful work," this debate did not feel very worshipful in any sense!
Most assuredly, folks had made up their minds about this war and no amount of "debate" was going to change anyone's thoughts. But, if you add to this that our conference rules limit debate to alternating speeches of 3 minutes for and against--and no more than 3 on each side. That would mean that there was a total of 9 minutes of "debate." on the subject. There was no prayer, there was no time of silence to hear God's voice.....it was merely a counting of how many folks stood on each side of this issue.
So...to me this was nothing more than an exercise in divisiveness...without much "worship" of God.
There was only one resolution that was presented to the Conference. It was presented in the "pre-conference journal" so that all the delegates had it for a long time before conference. To see the original resolution click on the link and then go to page. 34.
What was actually passed was a substitute resolution that is virtually the opposite of the original. (Haven't got a link to that one, will post it if I can find it.)
I would term this the "low point" because of the tenor of debate and conversation around this issue more than what was actually passed.
(As an aside, I was disappointed in what was passed because it sounded very "pro-war" to me--not just a "support the troops," but support the President and everything that has happened. Additionally, the resolution also included an apocalyptic reference about "wars and rumors of wars" at the end of time.)
But, more than the resolution, I was disappointed in the way that people choose to couch their arguments and the cheering and clapping that accompanied debate. I would have hoped that the Bishop might have asked for perhaps a more "prayerful" attitude in our discussion. While it has become the practice of this conference to meld worship and work--- or "worshipful work," this debate did not feel very worshipful in any sense!
Most assuredly, folks had made up their minds about this war and no amount of "debate" was going to change anyone's thoughts. But, if you add to this that our conference rules limit debate to alternating speeches of 3 minutes for and against--and no more than 3 on each side. That would mean that there was a total of 9 minutes of "debate." on the subject. There was no prayer, there was no time of silence to hear God's voice.....it was merely a counting of how many folks stood on each side of this issue.
So...to me this was nothing more than an exercise in divisiveness...without much "worship" of God.
conferencing
so, conference took more time than I had to spare! No time to write!
I started writing about "conference memories" and now this year's is already a memory as well!
Thursday was enjoyable--seeing friends...lunching with the other "extension apointment folks.....singing "And Are We Yet Alive?" (to a very strange contemporary tune)....participating in the executive session...I have to admit to skipping the evening Commissioning Service---had to rush home to clean for the friends that were staying with us during conference.
(As an aside---it was the first Annual Conference during which I have stayed in my own home because we now live so close to the location! Last year, we were in a hotel and previous to that we stayed with friends who live close by. Since those friends moved last year, we now returned the favor for them and they stayed with us! )
Back to conference....Friday was a wonderful day for me as well....some background to explain why--I transferred into this conference --The RevHub is from here-- he has DEEP roots here as his father served in this conference and both his parents were sent as missionaries from this conference. Many folks know him, but I have no roots here. I have a few folk that I knew in seminary 20 years ago, but most I've just met in the last five years.
But, Friday, RevHub was with a church member having surgery, so I was truly "on my own"---and I felt more like I was a part of the conference than ever before!
Business was usual--discussion over funding priorities dominated the debate.
What I've realized though, is that so much of what is important to me about Conference is the informal "conferencing" that happens...the places where we gain support and encouragement from others -- where we discuss the practical theology of living a faithful life....
The other aspect of conference that is deeply moving is worship times...our conference has moved to a model of "worshipful work" which means that worship is often blended into business and there are moments of worship and prayer and song throughout....
BUT--the part of conference that I enjoyed the most this year was the celebration of the 50th anniversary of full clergy rights for women! The conference had a special video presentation of several clergywomen talking about their call and ministry. The bible study sessions were centered around the theme of the work of clergywomen. In the closing communion service, clergywomen of the conference served the eucharist. But, most meaningful was the women in ministry lunch.
At this lunch, we heard from two speakers. The first was the daughter of a clergyman who had attended the 1956 General Conference--not as a delegate, but as an observer. Her father was also a friend of one of the first women to receive full clergy rights in the conference. She shared some memories of Rev. Estelle Pinegar.
But, the second speaker brought tears to my eyes. She is the longest serving, still active clergywoman in the conference. She finished seminary in 1976, but there was not an appointment for her until her home church received her as an Associate Pastor--not a common occurence in the UMC. But, what was so overwhelming was the JOY that she felt at facing a room full of women--many of whom were also ordained.
What all of this brought home to me was how RECENT it has been that women have been accepted as full members of the clergy. OK, well...perhaps I'm not saying this correctly, because I was thinking that it wasn't that long ago since I started seminary, but it just dawned on me that 20 years is a LONG time!! So maybe what I mean to say is that when I started seminary, it had only been 30 years that women had been receiving full rights and I actually had never met a clergywoman until I reached seminary. The most amazing thing is that that never made me think that it wasn't possible....I never thought twice about being a "woman in ministry." It was my calling.
I started writing about "conference memories" and now this year's is already a memory as well!
Thursday was enjoyable--seeing friends...lunching with the other "extension apointment folks.....singing "And Are We Yet Alive?" (to a very strange contemporary tune)....participating in the executive session...I have to admit to skipping the evening Commissioning Service---had to rush home to clean for the friends that were staying with us during conference.
(As an aside---it was the first Annual Conference during which I have stayed in my own home because we now live so close to the location! Last year, we were in a hotel and previous to that we stayed with friends who live close by. Since those friends moved last year, we now returned the favor for them and they stayed with us! )
Back to conference....Friday was a wonderful day for me as well....some background to explain why--I transferred into this conference --The RevHub is from here-- he has DEEP roots here as his father served in this conference and both his parents were sent as missionaries from this conference. Many folks know him, but I have no roots here. I have a few folk that I knew in seminary 20 years ago, but most I've just met in the last five years.
But, Friday, RevHub was with a church member having surgery, so I was truly "on my own"---and I felt more like I was a part of the conference than ever before!
Business was usual--discussion over funding priorities dominated the debate.
What I've realized though, is that so much of what is important to me about Conference is the informal "conferencing" that happens...the places where we gain support and encouragement from others -- where we discuss the practical theology of living a faithful life....
The other aspect of conference that is deeply moving is worship times...our conference has moved to a model of "worshipful work" which means that worship is often blended into business and there are moments of worship and prayer and song throughout....
BUT--the part of conference that I enjoyed the most this year was the celebration of the 50th anniversary of full clergy rights for women! The conference had a special video presentation of several clergywomen talking about their call and ministry. The bible study sessions were centered around the theme of the work of clergywomen. In the closing communion service, clergywomen of the conference served the eucharist. But, most meaningful was the women in ministry lunch.
At this lunch, we heard from two speakers. The first was the daughter of a clergyman who had attended the 1956 General Conference--not as a delegate, but as an observer. Her father was also a friend of one of the first women to receive full clergy rights in the conference. She shared some memories of Rev. Estelle Pinegar.
But, the second speaker brought tears to my eyes. She is the longest serving, still active clergywoman in the conference. She finished seminary in 1976, but there was not an appointment for her until her home church received her as an Associate Pastor--not a common occurence in the UMC. But, what was so overwhelming was the JOY that she felt at facing a room full of women--many of whom were also ordained.
What all of this brought home to me was how RECENT it has been that women have been accepted as full members of the clergy. OK, well...perhaps I'm not saying this correctly, because I was thinking that it wasn't that long ago since I started seminary, but it just dawned on me that 20 years is a LONG time!! So maybe what I mean to say is that when I started seminary, it had only been 30 years that women had been receiving full rights and I actually had never met a clergywoman until I reached seminary. The most amazing thing is that that never made me think that it wasn't possible....I never thought twice about being a "woman in ministry." It was my calling.
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