Mother Teresa and Faith

So, maybe I'm a few days late on this, but I couldn't let it pass without commenting on it.

I heard a piece on the radio Thursday evening. Then I saw the same story, but from a different angle on the Today show. Since have heard it several times, but nothing has been as meaningful (or accurate from a faith perspective) as the first one that I heard.

It’s about Mother Teresa what many are calling her “crisis of faith.” Some even implying that she had no faith (Bill Maher!) That’s not what I hear in her writings. Here is a link to the radio piece that I heard—it really explains it better than anything that I have heard.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=13903581

I thought about what you had said about not “feeling” God. When I read your first email, I immediately thought of what St. John of the Cross called, “The Dark Night of the Soul” which is that feeling of desolation when we aren’t “feeling” God’s presence. Many very faithful persons experience this and most people of faith have doubts. To me, learning that Mother Teresa felt this way for a very long time, shows that even those who are most faithful wrestle with this sense of “feeling” God.

There have been times in my life when God has felt very far away from me. I particularly felt this way when struggling with the grief over my parents deaths with cancer. I went through a very long time of struggle and desolation. What speaks to me most from scripture is actually the book of Job—Job’s faith in God even in the face of adversity. Believing in God, even when everything around him seems to say that God isn’t there, shows Job’s steadfast faithfulness which is actually a better translation of the word that most people have thought of as “patience."

How I desire to have the steadfast faithfulness of Job!

Annual Conference--by drive through?

ok...so maybe that isn't fair, but by sunday morning, I thought, is it over already?! Two days just seemed too short....here are thoughts that I shared in my evaluation....love to know what others thought....



I want to express my sincere appreciation for doing something NEW with Annual Conference. The move to a “weekend” was a great idea and the change of venue was pleasant as well. The balloting process went so smoothly it was amazing!

Attendees found the facility accessible and convenient in many ways. I know that many women appreciated the great number of restrooms available!

The one “complaint” that I have is about the shortness of the conference and the “rushed” feeling. There were a number of times that I found myself not yet back into the sanctuary when the session had begun—in particular this was around short 10 minute breaks which were simply not long enough for folks to have used the restroom and gotten a drink from a water fountain (it’s those lines in the ladies’ room!)

I do appreciate the move to a weekend for the purpose of making it easier on the laity to be available to attend—especially younger lay members. My suggestion would be to continue conference through a Sunday! I’m certain there would be complaints about Sunday worship disruption, but I believe that could be an opportunity for creative, outside the box thinking! Why not make that Sunday a worship experience workshop! Have several worship experience options at Camp Sumatanga and at some of the churches in the Birmingham Area. Invite not just members of the Annual Conference to attend, but also United Methodists from across the Conference. Many pastors and church members don’t get to experience worship beyond the traditional setting where they are. Many may be afraid to try new things because they haven’t seen it done before. Why not provide opportunities for folks to worship in a variety of settings?

My reason for suggesting this is that the shortness of conference can have detrimental effects on several aspects of the life of the Annual Conference, not the least of which is clergy enlistment.

One of the things that I value about the United Methodist Church is the connection—the idea that church members are united in serving God across the world. I have been a part of United Methodist congregations in New Jersey, Georgia, Ohio, North Carolina, and here in Alabama. I have personally experienced “the connection.” For many UMC pastors, the point of contact is the Annual Conference meeting. And I would venture to say that for many lay members, their understanding of the “church universal” begins with the Annual Conference.

I think that we do not do enough to promote the “informal” connection between persons across the conference—both lay and clergy. When we limit Conference to a short “business” meeting with very little worship, then we limit the power of the Holy Spirit to be at work in those times of informal “conferencing.” (oops, I guess I have a second complaint—not enough worship at Annual Conference, but I won’t go into that here)

I said that this is also about clergy enlistment and I want to share a little of my history so that you can understand where I am coming from on that point.

When I was in high school, I had the privilege of attending two sessions of the Annual Conference in West Ohio. This is held at Lakeside—a community situated on Lake Erie much like Lake Junaluska. My experience of participating in all aspects of Annual Conference at that age probably confirmed my burgeoning call to ministry. My sense of belonging to Someone and something greater than myself.

Annual Conference was something that included all aspects of being at Lakeside…it was the shared meals as well as the business sessions, it was watching my Associate Pastor be ordained an Elder. It was spending time in legislative sections that debated issues and resolutions and it was spending time with the women in the house where I was staying.--learning from them about their churches. It was the youth delegates sharing doughnuts with the Bishop.

All that is to say, my connection to the Connection had as much to do with being with other delegates in informal settings as it did with the conference business sessions. I believed even as a youth delegate that I was connected to UMC in a life-giving, life-changing way.

I think that in the North Alabama Annual Conference, as the Bishop himself indicated during Conference, that sense of belonging and connectedness for young people in the North Alabama Conference has come through Camp. In introducing me to people in this conference where he grew up, my husband continually is saying, “he was my camp counselor” or “I know her from camp.” In my position, I speak in churches across the conference and in over six years now, with exception of one church, I have been asked in every church about members of my extended family either because of Camp or because they were missionaries and/or speakers at Camp.

That sense of belonging to Someone greater than ourselves often comes when we find ourselves connected to other persons—Camp is one of those places and Annual Conference can be one of those places. Annual Conference Sessions that allow time for fellowship, sharing and learning beyond the business sessions can be meaningful times when we make connections via the Holy Spirit with other United Methodist Christians and the Spirit speaks to us in sighs too deep for words.

When we limited our Annual Conference to “business only” and don’t allow time for special meals and gatherings or workshops, bible studies and worship, we are limiting the times when we can nurture our sense of connection –not just among clergy but also between clergy and lay members. Annual Conference was often a time when I as a pastor serving a local church forged a stronger connection with my lay member(s) through the informal time spent together. Also, in forging stronger relationships between ALL members of the conference, we allow ourselves to learn to trust others more and perhaps the true Christian Conferencing might take place.

I apologize for the great length of this, but hope that I have fully articulated my thoughts on this. I would be happy to speak further about this because I do believe it is important.

The length of Annual Conference is not about clergy privilege. It is about promoting an educated, inspired, committed, connectional church—both laity and clergy.

18 Years of Wedded Bliss!

During the time that I have neglected to write, Ron and I celebrated our 18th anniversary! I can hardly believe that in August it will be 20 years since we met! I told him yesterday that I look at him and think that he still looks the same as when I met him and he said the same to me. However, in looking at old pictures, I know it's not true! here....see for yourself!

This picture is from our first date---it was actually a surprise party for my 24th birthday! Ron was supposed to keep me away from my apartment for awhile and then get "forget something" and take me back there--needless to say, it wasn't much of a surprise! But as you can see, he could charm me with his singing from the very beginning!

As you can guess--this is from our wedding day! May 20, 1989. This was in the Alumni Commons Room at Duke Divinity School. I'm not sure what that room is used for now.... We weren't married in the "big chapel" just York Chapel in the Divinity School. It was a bizarre space for a wedding, but it was the only place that Ron and I shared in worship together and it was were our community was..... some might say it was a "bizarre" wedding--I was into doing things theologically correct as well as trying to be non-sexist...(just think out sexists our wedding traditions really are and how hard it is to "route them out"!

Here's a picture after one year of marriage when we were ordained UM Deacons in the West Ohio Conference--not too much wear and tear. The one stoles if after three years of marriage when we were ordained Elders....you can see the years beginning to tell.... (the woman between us is Ron's mother)

Well......I had uploaded several other pictures, but then I lost the internet connection and so they didn't publish....I took that as a sign that I should post this last most recent picture.....ok...when I look at the pictures I see that we have changed.....but when I look into the face of my wonderful husband, i see the same sweet young man that I married 18 years ago!

Summer is Here

ok...so sorry not to have posted in so long--not that I believe anyone is really looking at my blog these days---it's been a long time since I posted!

BUT, I am so glad that school is out!!! OK...so I'm not in school, but i have a daughter who is and in so many ways, i am too because of her!

Anyway....I hope that since I won't be helping with homework as much, maybe i'll have time to write here more!

just glad to be online again....

Ghost in the Graveyard

Google "haunted places in Alabama" and Pinson UMC will come up.

Many folks say that there is a woman who sweeps the graves. The view from our back deck is of the graveyard...here's a picture.

I choose to believe what the Rev Hub says....it's just full of saints....

Saturday Psalm

As the deer longs for flowing streams
so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and behold the face of God?
my tears have been my food day and night,
while people say to me continually, "Where is your god?"

These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I went with the throng,
and led them in procession to the house of God,
with glad shouts and songs of thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.

My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the thunder of your cataracts;
all your waves and your billows have gone over me.
By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is wiht me.
a prayer to the god of my life.

I say to God, my rock, "why have you forgotten me?
Why must I walk about mournfully because the enemy oppresses me?"
As with a deadly wound in my body, my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me continually, "Where is your God?"

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquited within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.

Psalm 42

still marching....

My father-in-law participated in the March from Selma to Montgomery. We figured out tonight that my husband was actually in-utero at the time.....His dad had known AD King (MLK, Jr.) when he (Bob) was in seminary at Emery. The story always told is that MLK, Jr. held Ron's older sister when she was an infant....

In reading about all the events today, I wished I could have been there. I wrote my thesis about the involvement of Methodist students at Duke and UNC in the civil rights movement. I was motivated to study that when I heard a story from the Senior Pastor with whom I was working. Here's the story....

During the 1960s, he was a Campus Minister at Harvard. He brought groups of students to NC to do voter registration. When he returned to NC to finish out his ministry, over 25 years later, there were pastors who remembered what he had done and would not speak to him....

This got me to thinking: Why did he have to bring students from out of state to North Carolina? What were the students who lived there doing?

So, that's what I researched and wrote my thesis on when I did my ThM....the most interesting thing I found out from that is that often the newspaper articles that I found had the story wrong. They didn't accurately report was was happening. Often the articles conflicted with the stories that I heard from people who had participated in events! I'm not sure though if some of the misreporting wasn't done on purpose...

If you're interested in learning more about Civil Rights here in Birmingham, I would recommend the book Carry Me Home. Written by a woman who grew up in Birmingham, she has interspersed her own remembrances with research.

"We fought for the soul of our country, on the streets of this city."

I heard Robert Eggers (founder and Director of DC Central Kitchen) say that last week and I thought it was meaningful. He then went on to say that we have spent 40 years in the wilderness.....That in 2008, it will be 40 years since MLK, Jr. and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated. He said, "and we didn't deal with it. We just moved on." His hope seems to be that in 2008, we'll come out of the wilderness. Could it be???

But, I do have to stay...now that I live in this city, it's as if there's a large group of white people who simply chose to "move on" here as well and have never dealt with any of the seismic changes that happened in the 60s...the racism just went underground...

My last thought....
Why weren't there any Republicans there?

family

What does it mean to be family?
How do we become (and stay) family?
Is blood thicker than water?
Are families more made than birthed?

The older I get, the more I ponder such questions....As I marvel at my family and how we move through life.....the ties that bind us together...

Inclusiveness

Not sure if I've written on this before now..If I have, forgive me for the rerun....

I had a conversation with a friend last night and I was trying to explain my desire to hear/read inclusion language concerning God.... I really feel uncomfortable hearing/seeing "He" or "His" in reference to God.... I said that God is neither male nor female. And he asked "what about the whole thing about "Father" and Jesus as "son." OK...so here's my personal story first and then I'll come back to the theological reasoning in a moment.

My mother was the most important person in my life--as many mothers are for their children. She was probably the most "real" Christian I have ever known (of her generation). She was deeply passionate about caring for those in need; usually serving as the chair of the Missions Committee and/or as an officer in United Methodist Women (women's missions organization). The only time I can remember her leaving home for any events was to go once a year to the UMW's School of Christian Mission. All this is to say, my passion for missions was instilled by my mother. My faith was nutured by her--every night ended with a reading from "Little Visits with God." The only items I can ever remember seeing her sit and read were Mission magazines, Disciple Bible Study, or her Sunday school lessons and circle materials...ok, so I think she had a subscription to Ladies' Home Journal, Better Homes & Gardens, and Redbook, but I think she only bought those for the recipes!

Anyway, she died of cancer at age 60 when I was 30 years old. For a long time, I was very depressed and unhappy, and found it very difficult to pray. I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, but I was probably very angry at God for allowing it to happen. She suffered terribly in the last months of her life. When she died, none of her children had yet produced a grandchild. That was her one regret. She loved children so deeply (she had been a teacher) and she wanted to spoil those grandbabies that were yet to be..... ok, so I was probably rip, roarin' mad at God, but I couldn't express that.

How could I be mad at God? I was the Associate Pastor of a large church...I had to lead prayers every Sunday and teach and preach and worship....besides all that, I knew that "She was in a better place." She wasn't afraid to die and I knew that she was with God...

So...how does this relate to any of this God language stuff?

In finally beginning to work through my grief, it took me a while to realize that the things that I missed about my mother were the qualities about her that were "God-like." What I missed more than anything was her unconditional love for me. What I wanted more than anything was to be a child again and crawl up in her lap.

Once I started to connect these dots, I began to "recover the feminine in God." The qualities that I missed in my mother were available to me through God. It was only when I began to envision God as Mother that I was able to begin to let go of my grief and begin to pray again.

So, back to the theological reasoning... God is NEITHER male nor female exclusively--but rather both. If I as a woman am created in the image of God, doesn't that mean that part of God's image has to be female?

As far as the "son" part: Yes, Jesus was male, but that was the "earthly" Jesus--he had to be one gender or the other...However, I'm not sure that the eternal "Christ" has to be thought of as exclusively male.

As for the Holy Spirit: neither male nor female.....

Our language, especially English, is quite limiting.... It places the God of the Universe into small, finite bits. I chose to do my best to not limit the qualities of God to all those that we humans associate with males.

The One who created the universe is much bigger than any of the words that we use.....

You can never have too many pictures of a baby!

the parents surrounded by their family

The Proud Great Grandmother

Great Aunt

I've always thought that I was a great Aunt, but now I can really claim the title! Thanks to the new little Clover born on New Year's Day!

Here's her Auntie R holding her!

and here's her Great Uncle singing "Sunshine on my Clover" while she opned her eyes!

Here's her proud Granddad!

And her grandmother who elicits a smile!