Being Present

“If I can just get through the next hour....”

then, it's all downhill from there!

If I can just get through this dinner with my in-laws...

If I can just get through all this service...

Just Get through it!

Is that really how we want to think about our lives?

Just getting through it?

Susan Worthington, our Day School Director, and I had a conversation right before the Day School Christmas program a few weeks ago and it sounded a lot like this... (and I DO have her permission to share this).

I asked Susan how she was and she said something like,

“I'll be better once this is over-- IF I CAN JUST GET THROUGH IT”

and yet, at the same time we looked at each other

and at the children all around us...

and realized what a special moment it was...

and I said something about how quickly it will be that

her grandbaby Sophie will be grown up!

When I was little, I can remember saying, “i can't wait until.... “

whatever the next 'big thing' was--

my birthday... I can't wait until my birthday

Or Christmas or summer vacation...

But, when my Dad heard me say that,

he would say, “don't wish away the present”

Don't hope so much for “what is to come”

that we miss the 'here and now”!!

What does it mean to be fully present in the moment?

What does it mean to slow down and be present here and now?

For some it might mean getting down on the floor and playing with your child or grandchild instead of worrying about what is cooking

or perhaps it's learning to play a silly video game

just to play the game together..

or perhaps it's sharing an ear bud, so that you can hear the music that's on the ipod or phone.

For, me, it's been learning to use snap chat so that I can see the pictures

that my niece is sending...

Maybe for you it's listening to the same story that your Great Uncle tells..

the one about the time it snowed when he was 12...

that you've heard a million times already...

but, what if you really listened this time.. and maybe asked a question or two...

when we are fully present in the moment,

perhaps we experience Christ around us..

This week, I received a wonderful email story..

it reminded me of an older tale

about a man who is visited by several persons on Christmas Eve

in this newer version of the Story,

the man named George hasn't celebrated Christmas since his wife's death.

He doesn't put up a tree or back cookies,

but he is alone in the service station he owns on Christmas Eve.

That night, he encounters a homeless man who he feeds.

Next a couple whose car is falling apart show up.

The wife is about to deliver a baby so George gives them his truck

while he proceeds to fix their car.

Next, a police officer is shot and he helps the officer

as well as the young man who shot him.

At the end of the night, George is told,

that even though he doesn't seem to celebrate Christmas,

he had kept the spirit of the season about as good as any man.

In being fully present and available to those around him,

George experienced the spirit of the season

and lived it out..

The spirit of the season--

The spirit of Christmas IS the spirit of Christ..

Being Present in the moment is about experiencing Christ's presence in the world.

The Catholic priest Richard Rohr talks about learning to be present in the moment

as a way of learning to recognize God's presence with us..

on this holy night when we celebrate, God With us-- God's coming to us as one of us,

I'd like to share some of Father Rohr's thoughts with you...

in order for us to fully appreciate God's presence with us,

we have to understand that it's about OUR being present.. not God...

God is ALWAYS present with us...

we just don't always recognize it...

Father Rohr says,

“God is present everywhere all the time.

There is not really much point in arguing IF and HOW...

we know that God is always given from God's side,

but we have to learn how to receive” this and recognize it.

Recognizing God's presence in the world is about our being present in the moment...

practicing an awareness of God-with-us

When those first angels at Christ's birth,

They said,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,

and on earth, peace among those whom he favors.”

peace on earth

good will to all.

We can know God's peace and presence because of the birth of Jesus.

Peace on earth begins with peace within ourselves

when we are not peaceful, the world cannot be peaceful.

And it is through the Presence of Christ that we know peace.

Tonight we celebrate the sacrament of communion,

It is in this that we recognize and experience Christ's presence with us now.

There may be other places where we are less certain of God's presence..

but here, at this table,

we have the opportunity to meet Jesus..

But, are we coming to this table,

thinking more of “getting through it”

so we can at to dinner at Grandmother's house?

Tonight, you might not be asked to share a meal with a homeless person,

or let a pregnant lady borrow your car..

you might not help a police officer you has been shot.

But, you still have the opportunity to be present in the moment

and experience the Spirit of Christ.

May you come to this table,

present in this moment

and know that God is With Us

Emmanuel

the Prince of Peace

GLORY TO GO IN THE HIGHEST;

AND ON EARTH, PEACE,

“GOOD WILL TO ALL PEOPLE”!!

Church Connections

Several years ago now, my husband, my daughter and I had the great privilege of visiting the church where I was baptized as an infant. It wasn’t for a Sunday service, but on a quiet Thursday morning. We were passing through the town in which I had lived for the first twelve years of my life.

This was a foreign country to my husband—a true suburb, originally a Levittown, now named Willingboro. My parents moved to this place, their first home soon after they were married and shortly before I was born. We lived there through the end of my sixth grade school year. My parents formed their deepest friendships in this place—through the church. Here the foundation of my family was built.

St. Paul United Methodist Church nurtured and formed all of us. As we stepped into the hallway by the office, the memories swept over me in waves of pictures frozen in time, images that I had nearly forgotten. Attending four year old pre-school in this place, one day I had gotten so sick that my mother had come to get me. On this hallway was the nursery where I helped to “watch” the babies including my younger brother during the services.

On the second floor was the choir room where Mrs. Deihl taught us to sing “All Things Bright and Beautiful.” Here were all the Sunday school rooms for children. I spent a year in every one of them. Third grade was my favorite.  Mrs. Evelyn Carson was my teacher and I received my bible which I still have.  We memorized the 100^th Psalm. I also still have the bookmark that we made to mark that verse.

As we walked to the sanctuary, we passed the fellowship hall. This room lived up to its name—always filled to the brim for wonderful social and spiritual occasions. Here I helped to “make hoagies” (that’s a sub to my southern-born husband). The Mother-Daughter Banquet was a yearly highlight and the programs were great entertainment--especially the one with a janitor in a drum and a streaking two year old. One year, my family participated in an intergenerational Sunday School class which met in the fellowship hall. In this room I first participated in Wesley’s covenant service on a New Year’s Eve.

As we passed the other educational wing, that mysteriously more grown-up hallway, I remembered the fight over the placement of a coke machine in that hallway and the agreement not to allow persons to purchase drinks on Sundays.

Then we reached the sanctuary, the most special place to me. Our family sat off to the right side near the front. If I wasn't sitting with my family, I sat in the front row to the left side with the children’s choir. The view from that pew was wonderful as I actually listened to the sermons that Rev. Smyth preached. I was so proud when I had finally learned the Apostles’ Creed by heart and the doxology as well. The Christmas eve services with the pageants are spectacular in my mind, but nothing compared to that last Christmas when I finally was allowed to stay up late enough to attend the candlelight service.

My parents had brought me to this sanctuary to be baptized as an infant and before we moved away, it was my deepest desire to be confirmed in this church. However, confirmation classes were for seventh graders, and I was only in sixth. I had a conversation with the pastor about it. He explained that when I joined the church, I would join not just a congregation, but the United Methodist Church as well as the Church Universal. So that, when we moved and found a new church home and I would go through confirmation in that place, I would be joining this greater church which also included St. Paul UMC.

I have known the greater connection of the United Methodist Church. I have since been a member of two other congregations, an affiliate member in another, graduated from both a United Methodist College and a United Methodist Seminary.  I have served several congregations as ministerial intern and pastor as well as been a clergy member of three Annual Conferences. My sense of the connectional church is strong.

The connection that St. Paul UMC grew in my heart has never wavered. My Methodist roots are in that congregation as the place in which my faith was formed. I am grateful to have been baptized into the community of faith that is St Paul United Methodist Church. Through the eyes of a child, this was an incredible place—full of people who loved me and took time to teach me about the love of God in Christ. So many things that now I realize were unique to this congregation seemed simply like “the way the world was.” I am grateful that is was the way MY world was---full of people of all types who were committed to serving Christ. Remembering this congregation through my childhood’s eyes it looks more like the Kingdom of God than any other community of faith I have since known. Whether or not my memories are a child’s perception or close to reality, I am grateful with the heart of this adult for the body of Christ which is St. Paul’s UMC.

Perfect Day

Crystal splendor fills the room

Vivid colors alive with reflected light

Sight and sound at one 

and all is melded together  

A day filled with joy and awe

floats through time; kairos time

A memory and yet a vision

A moment forever hanging whole-unto itself

May I drink it in and have my fill of the joy that fills this moment

At one with the universe and whole and wholly Thine

Seamless creation; filled with grace

Abounding in love

Clergy, Women, and Weight

"Men are pigs."

That was my response to a male clergy person when he said, "I don't understand what happened. Christianity is an incarnational faith.  We take the body seriously. I think that something changed once women went to seminary."

We were discussing issues related to clergy health including our higher than normal rate of obesity. I was so surprised by what he said, that I wanted to shock him back.

In reflecting on this conversation, I know my response was not very thoughtful. Offended by the implication that somehow the mere presence of women among the clergy had removed a theological emphasis on the body, I wanted in that moment was to shock him.  Still, I was trying to communicate an ongoing dynamic within ministry for women clergy.

For those first women who entered the ordained ministry, their very presence probably did change many things about ministry. They were surrounded by men, many of whom didn't want them there. By the time I entered seminary in the late 80s, the numbers were shifting. The seminary I attended was about 30% female at the time.  Although female students were accepted as part of the "norm," certain attitudes still pervaded. Comments from fellow students included the stereotype of the "ugly woman preacher" saying that the women in seminary were there because, "God was the only one who would have them."

As a single young woman attending seminary and working in churches, I had to figure out how to navigate new dynamics. Figuring out new boundaries as I interacted with fellow students and with male parishioners, was challenging. Just because you set a boundary, doesn't mean that the person on the other side of that line will respect it. More than once, I experienced uncomfortable comments or gestures from men.

For me, "men are pigs" meant men objectify women. Our culture objectifies women's bodies. Women are viewed as sexual object, and clergywomen are not an exception. Whether I realized it or not in my twenties, one of the ways that I dealt with this objectification was to put on weight as an insulator from any unwanted attention.

The conversation is complex and the issues are not easy to unravel. Our psychological self is tied to our theological understanding as well as our physical health but wrapped up in all of this is our sexuality.  And that last piece is what I think throws us off balance as clergy persons, particularly as clergy persons who are female.

For those of us who are overweight, does losing weight somehow equate to becoming more attractive?  Would that mean attracting unwanted attention?  How do we 'unwrap' weight loss from the idea of sexual attractiveness and instead marry it to the idea of self-care and health?

Branch Rickey and Ohio Wesleyan

As a student tour guide at Ohio Wesleyan University, I took perspective students and their families on walking tours of the campus. Every tour included a walk through (or at least past if time was short), the Branch Rickey Arena/Gordon Field House.  

These pictures just doesn't do the building justice.  The roof is so very 1970s and always reminded me of a circus tent. As we walked past or through the buildings, I would share  a few sentences about the famous Alumnus for whom the building was named.  

My spiel went something like this, "Branch Rickey is one of our our most famous graduates.  He was responsible for signing Jackie Robinson to the Brooklyn Dodgers." 

That was it. 

That was all I knew of the story.

With the opening of the movie 42, I am finally learning more of the story. Ohio Wesleyan is highlighting their connection to Rickey, which was much more than just that Rickey was a graduate of the school. He was a coach, an athletic director and a trustee.  

Ohio Wesleyan Baseball Team

Branch Rickey, student at OWU.
pictures from OWU digital archive

As I have read about the movie and the relationship between these two men, one of the things that has struck me is that both Branch Rickey and Jackie Robinson were Methodist! In an article from The United Methodist Reporter, this connection is highlighted.  Quoting from the article, 

Rickey says, “If he were white, we’d call that spirit. Robinson’s a Methodist. I’m a Methodist. God’s a Methodist! We can’t go wrong.”  

Even if I don't get to see the movie right away, I am just happy to learn more of this story from reading about it. 

One other note: For my friends from other locales, some of the movie was filmed here in Birmingham.  Here are two places where filming took place:  Rickwood Field and the Tutwiler Hotel. 

Listen to the Promptings of the Spirit

I am a strong believer in the connectedness of life.  We are all connected invisibly in a web of relationships. Sometimes we are more attuned to those connections and other times, we chose to ignore the reverberations of that web.

Here is an illustration:

Amy and I 

 I just have returned home from spending a couple of hours with one of my college roommates.  Amy was headed with her family to Florida and stayed in a hotel here last night.

Yesterday, I got up and thought, "I should really check my 'charter.net' email."  It is an email address that is overrun by spam so I never give it out any more and rarely check it. At one time, it was my primary email address, but the last time I checked it was over two months ago and before that, it had been six months.  But, something prompted me yesterday to check it.  

There in my inbox was an email from Amy from her work email that she wrote 2 weeks ago about how they were coming through here.  I immediately replied hoping that it was not too late. She hadn't given me a time frame for when they would be here.

Last night, she read that email in a hotel room here and called me at the number I had sent to her.  I got to spend two hours with her, meeting her daughter for the first time and catching up.  We hadn't seen each other face to face in over 12 years!

If I hadn't check my email and she hadn't checked hers, we would have missed each other!

Many times in my life, I have heard that little voice, that "prompting" that says, 
"call that person" or "visit that person"  or "wait here a little longer" or "leave now"

I'm not saying there is an actual voice, but a sense, a feeling--a prompting.
When I listen, I usually find a blessing.

Now, because I am a religious person, I would call it the Holy Spirit.
But, for those who are not, perhaps you might call it the connectedness of all life.
The fact that we seem to be connected on a spiritual plane that cannot be seen, but that we often feel in our bones. Some of people seem to be more attuned to those connections.  My goal is to become a better listener--to tune my inner ear to the Spirit.

I'm just so very glad I listened this time and checked my email !

Sanctification of Work

"'If minsters perceive that they must choose between their own health and the health of their congregations, they will nearly always choose the latter,' observed Proeschold-Bell. In part this is because of a phenomenon she calls (citing the research of Kenneth Pargament and Annette Mahoney) the 'sanctification of work.' Clergy see their work not only as important but as divinely ordained. Whenever they act on behalf of their congregations, they are living in faithfulness to their vocations. When they leave work to go to the gym, they may see themselves as departing not just from a building but from doing God’s work. This is not an easy problem to overcome. Health behaviors don’t always have a ready-made theological justification. And the sanctification of work means that work will nearly always take priority."



The quote above comes from an article in a recent edition of The Christian Century.  Amy Frykholm writes about clergy health and the Duke Clergy Health Initiative in  Fit for Ministry.

"Health behaviors don't always have a ready-made theological justification."  That one sentence jumped out at me.  Why is there not a theological justification?  Why does there need to be?

Why is it that we as clergy even need to "justify" taking care of ourselves physically?

What will it take for clergy to understand that part of our response to our calling as leaders in congregations is to model healthy living?  Isn't this about more than a healthy spiritual life, but a balanced life that includes all of our lives-- our physical selves as well as our spiritual selves?

But, what about this need for a theology to underpin the goal of physical health.  Is this an internal need for us?  How do we develop a way for clergy to think "it's ok for me to leave the office at 3 p.m. so I can get to the gym before that Bible Study that I have to teach at 6:30 p.m."  

For me, I think it has to do with the fact that the work is never 'finished.'  There is ALWAYS one more thing that I could do: another sermon to start working on, a parishioner who could use a phone call or visit, a bible study that needs planned.

What I had never thought about was the idea that somehow doing my job was "sanctification": making me holier or more Christ-like.

What if I begin to think about my exercise and nutrition choices as "sanctification"?  
When I chose to exercise I am making myself holier.
When I eat mindfully and make healthier food choices, I am sanctifying myself.

If sanctification is the process of growing in grace and becoming more like Christ, than certainly taking care of my physical self is a part of that process.

But, the biggest "justification" for taking care of my physical health in terms of my vocation has to do with knowing that I CAN do my job better when I am exercising and eating better.  Here is a classic example:  One Wednesday night, our church had a dinner which included a rather "heavy" pasta and immediately after that, I was teaching a study group.  After that meal, I had that typical "brain fog" that comes with a carb heavy meal.  Therefore, my mental agility in guiding a discussion was less than stellar.  Much harder to keep a group on track when your own mind is feeling sluggish!

If my deepest desire is to be more Christ-like, then shouldn't that sanctification include all of my life?

Child of My Labor

This is a poem that I wrote several years ago when my daughter was very little. I've posted this before, but wanted to share again because she will turn 21 this week.

Child of My Labor

You are not the child of my flesh
But you are the daughter of my labor.

The pains have come from
Contractions of my heart
Squeezed by your tiny hands

The pain of your loss
Cannot be understood
No mother’s milk for you
To soothe, to settle
To still your stomach and soul.

No sweet mother’s voice
To hush and lullaby your fears

But now, you are born to me
On the wings of angels
And our labor begins

And I shall nurse you
With my mother’s heart
I shall soothe, settle, and still your soul
With my lullaby

Hushaby Baby, you are the child of my labor.

Les Mis

  

  My introduction to Les Miserables was through a cassette tape (yes, really, it was that long ago!).  My husband had purchased it and wanted to play it on one of our long car rides.  I was completely lost.  I had never read Victor Hugo's book and had no clue what the storyline was. I read all of the liner notes and lyrics so that I could keep up. I grew to love the music, but it was several years before I saw a live production of it.   I have only grown to love the story and music more over the years, so I was eager to see the movie when it opened.

    Because of the difference in production, the movie raised thoughts and questions regarding the story in a different way for me. Below are just some of my thoughts......

There are so many themes and story lines.... 

What is good and what is bad?  What is good is not always obvious. what is bad is not always clear either.

The story of redemption became much clearer to me. Jean Valjean always  chooses to care for a person above a strict following of the law and this is what the Bishop does for him as well. Rather than enforce the law, he has compassion and spares Valjean from having to return to the forced labor of prison. (Colm Wilkinson is amazing as the Bishop!)  

One of the powerful story lines is unrequited love. We see Epipone's love for Marias most clearly, but there is also Fontaine who has had a lover who abandons her. 

Yet, the stories that involve women are not central. They are just part of the story of  the men, but it is not really "their" story. The women in this tale are 'secondary' in many ways.  They just move the plot along, but are not so central.

We can't always be certain of what will happen with our lives.

God's grace comes in many forms and these are often unexpected.

Taking the Time to Go Deeper

"God is in the depth, and we lose touch with God when we focus only on surface things. God is in the silence which we neglect and fear, and we close ourselves to the whisperings of the Spirit when we constantly surround ourselves with artificial sounds.  God is in the questions that arise when we break free of the distractions and we cut God off when we avoid contemplations of purpose, value, and priority. God is in the mystery, and we turn God away when we live as if the only things that matter are those we can see, touch, explain, or possess.  God is in the love of others, and we drive God out when we neglect the deepening of relationships.  God is in the feeling of being still, and we overlook attempts by God to reach us when we run constantly from one activity another.  God is in the discovery and exploration of the interior life, and we say NO to God when we deny there is a spiritual side to our own lives.  There are elements to existence that we only discover when we open ourselves to God."   Bishop Robert Schnase, Five Practices of Fruitful Living, p. 28

    Following this paragraph, Bishop Schnase goes on to write about the way in which our "work" has changed in the last hundred or so years.  The fact that our grandparents and great grandparents often performed repetitive tasks in the course of their days.  These took little conscious thought, and therefore, "most had hours to think, remember, mull over, rehearse, and reflect on the happenings of their lives."

    These words came to me as I participated in a discussion of Food and Faith: A Theology of Eating, Norman Wirzba's book about how our faith intersects the world of our eating. We were discussing the fact that it takes so much time to really prepare a healthy meal. Cooking food which has been responsibly grown either by ourselves or other local growers in a manner that preserves the health benefits of the food can be a time-consuming task.

  I thought of myself in the kitchen-often with either the TV or radio on-- or even sometimes with the laptop open to Facebook while I cook....
  How different would my experience be if I treated cooking as a Spiritual Exercise.
       What if I begin to invite God's Spirit into my cooking?
       How might that begin to change how I look on this chore?
      What if I begin to pray for all the hands that touched the food before it reached my pan?
      what if I were more consciously grateful for all the sacrifices that were made by others so that I could enjoy this meal?

Maybe the practice that I need as much as mindful eating is mindful cooking....