Saturday, July 07, 2018

Suffering Through Dialysis: A conversation in three scenes (Scene 1)

For my Doctor of Ministry class on "Suffering, Meaning, and Spirituality," I had to write a dialogue about suffering.  I decided to share that paper here because it became a meaningful way to process the past year.  Please take note, many things in the paper are real, but Pastor Bubba is NOT--rather, I chose to use Pastor Bubba as a "composite" of the awful things that we sometimes like to say to people. I will post this in three segments. 

Scene I
Time:  Current time.
Setting:  At a modern, University Research Hospital, Patient Wife sits in the waiting room outside the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU). She is waiting to visit her husband, Patient, who is in SICU after having the first of two emergency surgeries.  As a result of the surgery, he is now on dialysis. The doctors are waiting for his condition to stabilize so that they can continue surgery. Pastor Bubba, a friend of her husband. is seated with her.
Characters:
Patient Wife                            Doctor                                     Pastor Bubba               Viktor Frankl 
Lady Philosophy                     Kathleen Norris                       Dorothee Soelle

Patient Wife:  Why did this happen to my husband?  He has had so many health problems.  He was born with his kidney issues which required many surgeries.  What did he ever do to deserve such awful health difficulties?  I know that he hasn’t always taken the best care of himself. His diabetes has made everything worse and his heart disease is a result of the diabetes. But this just happened so suddenly. 
Pastor Bubba: I am sure the doctors are doing everything they can.  We just need to trust God. Let’s claim his full recovery!  You and I agree on that, so God will make it happen!
Doctor comes into the waiting room to find Patient Wife in order to give her an update.
Doctor: Your husband is holding his own.  He isn’t in any pain right now.  We have him stabilized.
Patient Wife:  I am glad that he isn’t in pain, but he is suffering! He has tubes coming out from all over and he is surrounded by machines which are keeping him alive. People are poking and prodding him. You aren’t even sure that he can undergo any more surgery.
Doctor:  Well, we are doing all we can for him. (With that comment, the doctor leaves.)
Patient Wife:  Yes, they are doing all they can for his physical needs, but he is suffering. Why did God let this happen?  How can this be God’s plan? This is simply awful! They haven’t really finished the surgery. They had to stop and wait until his potassium went down and now I’ve had to sign the papers for dialysis to help his body cope.  He will be so upset when he wakes up. That is if he wakes up!
Pastor Bubba:  God has a plan. Even if he dies, he is a Christian and will go to heaven. Heaven is great and he will be just fine.
Patient Wife (staring at Pastor Bubba in disbelief): Was that supposed to be comforting? I think that you just need to say a prayer and let me alone.
Pastor Bubba says a short prayer for healing and then leaves. Once Patient Wife is alone, she falls asleep from exhaustion.  When she awakes, she finds that she has been joined by several others in the waiting area. Kathleen Norris, Viktor Frankl, Lady Philosophy and Dorothee Soelle are seated around her.
Patient Wife:  I am sorry. I was dreaming. Was I talking in my sleep?
Frankl: Not really talking. You mumbled something about suffering. I think.
Patient Wife: Well, I was just struggling with the suffering my husband is experiencing, and why this is happening? He has endured so much suffering in his life!
Lady Philosophy:  God has a plan even when someone is suffering. The world is not “merely a string of random events but the result of divine reason.”[1]
Patient Wife: So, you are saying God caused this?  Why would God cause this to happen to him now?
Lady Philosophy:  Yes, surely everything happens as a part of God’s plan.  “If the true causes of something are not understood,…it can appear to be random and confused. But although you cannot understand the way things are ordered in the universe, you can rest assured that a good governor does indeed keep order and has a plan. You should not doubt that everything happens as it should.”[2]
Patient Wife: So, we should just accept the way things are because that is how God has planned it?  How can God be good and allow such suffering to happen?
Dorothee Soelle: I also question this!  Lady Philosophy, I’m not sure you understand what you are saying!  You seem to be saying that God is a Sadist.  How can God be good and inflict suffering on people?
Lady Philosophy: God’s plan offers suffering as correction and self-knowledge. God can use suffering for a good purpose.[3]  “Every kind of fortune, whether pleasing or painful, is granted to men for the purpose of rewarding or testing good men, or else of punishing or correcting those who are bad. Every kind of fortune is good, then, because it is just or useful.”[4]
Dorothee Soelle: Useful or just? I cannot agree with you! If God either directly or indirectly causes suffering, then we truly are in danger of seeing God as sadistic![5]
Patient Wife: I don’t believe in a sadistic God! If I understand you correctly, Professor Soelle, you are saying that if God causes suffering, then God cannot be good and loving.
Dorothee Soelle: I am willing to give up God’s omnipotence to preserve God’s loving nature.
Lady Philosophy: Surely God is good and loving! God is the highest and most perfect good that there is![6]
Patient Wife: But, that takes me back to my first question! Why would a good and loving God allow suffering?
Dorothee Soelle: Surely, Lady Philosophy will tell you again that suffering is part of God’s plan, Providence. I, on the other hand, do not believe that there is a satisfactory answer to your question.  There really is no answer when people ask “Why?”[7]
Viktor Frankl: I must agree with Professor Soelle here.  When suffering occurs, we often feel compelled to ask “Why?”  But, my question to you is whether answering that question will help your husband to improve?
Patient Wife: I hadn’t thought about it like that. No. Probably not.
Viktor Frankl: No, probably not. Because whether we know why or not, we still have to deal with suffering. “Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete.”[8] 
Patient Wife: Well, if God doesn’t cause suffering, then what purpose does it serve? This suffering seems meaningless right now.  What is good or useful in his suffering?
Viktor Frankl: When you ask about the meaning in suffering, I think you are on the right track. The best questions to ask include “What can I learn from this?” and “What meaning can I gain from this?”
Lady Philosophy: See, this actually sounds like what I was saying about God sending suffering for corrections—so that we can learn from it!
Viktor Frankl: This is where I actually believe we differ, Lady Philosophy.  I do not believe there is some intrinsic meaning to suffering, but that we can make meaning from suffering.
Patient Wife: Well, what do you suggest can be learned from what is happening to my husband?
Viktor Frankl: That is a harder question, because the answer is different for each person. One way that a person can find meaning in her life is by the attitude she takes toward unavoidable suffering. 
Patient Wife: Well, this suffering was definitely unavoidable.
Viktor Frankl: When we are facing a fate that cannot be changed, meaning in life can still be found. “For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation,…we are challenged to change ourselves.”[9]
Patient Wife: Change ourselves? At this point, changing anything about this situation seems impossible. Right now, it is merely about surviving another day.
Kathleen Norris: I think I understand where you are because I lost my own husband. Through that experience, I learned much about dealing with suffering. “Disasters will strike, and great blessings will come. Our difficult and glorious task is to live through it all.”[10]
Patient Wife: This sounds like a very nice platitude and I would like to believe that. This disaster has struck and my husband is surviving. Where is the glory and blessing? He still is suffering.
Kathleen Norris: If your husband can see Christ suffering with him, then he can experience a redemption of the suffering.  “Christianity teaches that the trials in our lives can be linked to Christ’s suffering and ‘redemptive gift’ if we intend that they should.”[11] 
Patient Wife: That sounds great but in this moment I am not sure how either he or I can do that!
Kathleen Norris: My husband, David “never called his many afflictions his share of the sufferings of Christ. But ultimately that is what it was for him, and this gave him strength.”[12] 
Patient Wife: Maybe this is something that will come in time. I am not sure how I create meaning in this moment or how he can create any meaning when he is sedated. It is horrific to watch him attached to machines that are keeping him alive.  I have no doubt that he would be dead if those machines were not breathing for him and if they weren’t dialyzing him. Watching him suffer is difficult and unnerving. He is a good and decent person. He is a servant of God and has given his life serving God in the church.  This suffering has isolated him. Where is this God who he has served?
Viktor Frankl: This is not a question that I’m willing to discuss. My concern as a psychiatrist has to do with surviving suffering, not issues of faith and religion.
Kathleen Norris: Where is God? That is a question that I wrestled with as my husband was dying. There were times I couldn’t even pray. I may not have felt God’s presence but I still believed God was present. “I believed in the reality of God’s providence and love, even when I did not sense its presence in my own life.”[13]
Lady Philosophy: Yes! Providence! God is present through the working out of Providence!
Kathleen Norris: Lady Philosophy, I am not sure that I completely agree with you about your idea of providence. However, where I sensed God’s presence was through the gift of Christian community. “If God did not seem to be there for me, it was enough to know that God was active in the lives of others.”[14]
Dorothee Soelle: Yes, community helps us through suffering. For surely, “all extreme suffering evokes the experience of being forsaken by God.”[15] Mystical theology helps us to understand that God is present in the suffering. 
(Just then the doors to SICU are unlocked for visiting hours.)
Patient Wife: I have to see my husband now, but I hope we will talk again. It doesn’t feel like we have finished this conversation.





[1] Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, trans. David R. Slavitt (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2008), 25.
[2] Boethius, 129.
[3] Ibid., 138-9.
[4] Ibid., 141-2.
[5] Dorothee Soelle, Suffering, trans. Everett R. Kalin (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1975), 26.
[6] Boethius, 87-88.
[7] Soelle, 155.
[8] Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, (Boston: Beacon Press, 2006), 67.
[9] Frankl, 112.
[10] Kathleen Norris, Acedia & me: A Marriage, Monks, and A Writer’s Life (New York: Riverhead Books, 2008),
 222.
[11] Ibid., 251.
[12] Ibid, 246.
[13] Ibid., 237.
[14] Ibid.
[15] Soelle, 86.

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